Now that fall is officially upon us, that guy who wears the same Adidas hoodie every day can “finally start dressing.”

 “The roll just spun,” Kraper recalls, painfully, “Around and around. There was no end. There was no beginning. It spun and spun, like the repeating days of my life. An endless cycle, indistinguishable, unrecognizable. Time blurs into a haze.” 

Have you ever looked up a book on Franklin only to find that it’s located in Fisher Fine Arts? No? That’s because they have exactly four (4) (fɔr/fɔː) books within their walls. 

After having undergone intensive plastic surgery, the Penn Quaker is no longer the terrifying behemoth that athletes and fans have come to know and love.

Oh are my plumes of fumes bothering you? Sorry not sorry, cause this is my emotional support juul and I need it to function.

There it is, sitting on his desk. That thing.

This might sound difficult, but don’t fret.

You are now responsible for this vital and (usually) subconscious process, and you're hating every second of it.

Just 15 minutes into the show, one thing was clear to me and everyone in the audience, these guys were having fun.

Sources have reported Du’s annual income as an event photographer to be upwards of 50,000 dollars. Liam Dello (E ‘21), a close friend of Du’s, said, in reality, it could be much, much more. “Evan would never tell anyone how much he’s really making. Why do you think he’s about to go down for tax evasion? He’s hiding something,” Dello said. “He started calling his consulting job at BCG his side hustle. That’s when I knew he was in too deep.” 

When Anonymous Ferret added a comment asking whether the hippocampus or the amygdala was more important in the formation of fear conditioning, and the Manatee — a marine mammal known for its high intellect and romantic inclinations — responded, “ur hot."

“This is our Plymouth.”

If you could read, you would know this is reserved.

Eye-witnesses were shocked as to what they saw, and even the elevator has gone on record to ask “really dude? It’s just one flight.” 

I’m sure the climate strike is important or whatever, but the UN says the world is ending in twelve years and I need to make sure I’m rich enough to afford a bunker.

Are you an eccentric older woman? Are you an eccentric younger woman, looking to be an eccentric older woman? 

Their cigarettes haphazardly dangle from the corners of their mouths as they launch verbal assaults in the hopes of gaining entrance — the hope to be just as they are, but under the safety of a ceiling. 

MY EMAIL! I’M TALKING ABOUT THAT EMAIL THAT YOU APPARENTLY HAVE NOT SEEN AND MAYBE WILL NOT SEE. 

 His backpack, said to have carried most of his life savings in cash, was stolen as well.

Is the cuddling necessary? It’s not cold today. Stop. I can’t focus when you’re staring into each other’s eyes like that, pressed together with gentle smiles. Go away.