After first setting eyes on Amy Gutmann, any Penn student will ask themselves the same question -- how the fuck does her skin look so fucking soft and she’s literally 70 fucking years old?! The answer might surprise you.

A monument to the people shall arise where elite culture once dominated. 

Foucault conceptualized the panopticon as a way for those in power to use technology to control the flow of information in society, a calculated, intricate apparatus embedded in the very logic of social structure and function. 

The time to end iced chai is now. Follow these tips so you're never caught drinking a gay, sissy drink again.

Need some last minute costume ideas? I've got you covered. 

Our main thing is smoking cigarettes on benches on Locust to help us stay skinny.

I hope there’s a table free - need to have some sense of solitude while I simultaneously work and sip on my thirteen (13) dollar coffee-adjacent drink. 

In the emails, they kept talking about “admission” into the “society.” As far as I’m concerned, we all already live in a society. I had no idea that you had to go through interview processes to be in society now. A bit ludicrous.

Society has truly robbed us of the simple pleasures in life.

Yeah… just tilt your screen down a little bit more… sweet Jebediah, that’s the ticket.

A wise man once said “If you give a man a fish one day, you give him one fish for that day, but if you teach a man how to be a fish, then he can be your fish for a lifetime”. This is exactly why I pay Lyn for my bacon egg and cheese by giving her one bite of my bacon egg and cheese. 

Freedom is in the air.

Even though dirty rush is 3 months long, if you move them hips with a purpose and you talk really fast, all it really takes is 30 seconds to lock in that early bid. 

The Girlbosses have taken it too far. We need an intervention.

 Maybe through defining that which isn’t neoliberal I can escape this mental prison.

Needless to say, I was proper pledged and mastered.

I’m just an everyday guy trying to promote theft awareness on campus.

Yeah, for sure, let’s get dinner.

But now I am on the adderall, and the unfortunate thing is that I am, in fact, experiencing the sensation of being on adderall. 

The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done. And there is no new thing under the sun.