OP-ED: It’s Time to Get That Nose Job, Stacey
Look in the mirror, you ugly piece of shit. That whopping schnoz on your face makes me literally gag. What are you, a toucan?
Opinion
The Boston Tea Party Was Soooo Fucked Up... Can I Come In Now Zetes?
Europeans. Throw. Better. Parties.
OP-ED: It’s Time to Get That Nose Job, Stacey
Look in the mirror, you ugly piece of shit. That whopping schnoz on your face makes me literally gag. What are you, a toucan?
Erm, I Don't Really Care: Sister Showing Me Her Sloppy, Jury-Rigged Dinner Over Video Call
Ahh, okay, good for you, I guess? I’d really rather be doing something else right about now.
The Boston Tea Party Was Soooo Fucked Up... Can I Come In Now Zetes?
Europeans. Throw. Better. Parties.
Reverse Cowgirl and 9 Other Workarounds to Mask-Fishing
My bosom could now be mounted without my face being a massive turnoff. Masks were the new protection; I’ll take paper over latex any day.
OP-ED: I Seem to be Losing my Socks
Most disappeared in pairs, but some particularly cruel socks remained even as their partners left, just to taunt me. There is nothing so horrible as being able to find only one sock out of a pair.
OP-ED: I Dream of A Popular KCECH
I was having a conversation with one of my many acquaintances who are so overwhelmingly in love with me that they pop the question: “Where do you live?” Why do you want to know? Do you want to bed me?
OP-ED: Please Don’t Hold the Door for Me I’m Like 30 Feet Away
Every man for themselves…
Here is Some of Jane Eyre
You wanted it, you asked for it — we listened.
OP-ED: I Don’t Care That Someone Is Impersonating You on Instagram, and I Will Not Report the Account
Maybe I am a bad person, maybe one day I will be the victim of a crime just as heinous, and maybe then I will have sympathy for these individuals who have their internet persona robbed from them, but as of now, I do not care.
Sorry I Was Late to Class Professor, My Service Rabbit Laid an Egg and Hatched Babies in My Room
Here's a valid excuse for missing class: a warning to the insensitive fools who skip class for a death in the family.
OP-ED: I Did Not Come To Moelis Family Grand Reading Room to Make Friends
When I swipe with three fingers on my trackpad to access all 12 of my desktops (each with a different photo of St Vincent as desktop background), do not come near – the magnificence of it all might frighten you.
Jaywalking is a Mortal Sin Worthy of Eternal Damnation
I remember the days when a neighbor was a friend, a jaywalker was a scoundrel, and a woman’s rightful place was in the kitchen. How have we gone so wrong so quickly?
Letter From the Editor: Okay but Check This Out
Now, I have a natural aptitude for the athletic — I can do a gorgeous spin, and every day I wake up and perform the ancient practice of dance for at least fifteen minutes.
OP-ED: No, No, No, I’m Not Eating Alone, Just Waiting For My Friend, Haha
Yeah, I’m eating here alone at Hill, but I’m just waiting for my friend to show up. He should be here any minute. Didn’t plan on eating alone like some kind of sad-sack loser.
Editorial: We Are Still in a Pandemic
The thing we have come to know as something as big as life – covid, coveed, the rona, the Kung Flu, Wuhan Virus, however you want to call it – is still there. And guess what? It will never go away
OP-ED: I’m Not Being Hazed I Just Have a Bad Sense of Style
Can we normalize dressing badly? It's not just a hazing thing. For some of us, it's a lifestyle.
OP-ED: I Wish I Could Come To Your Show but I Can't Because It Sounds Awful
I love the idea of watching 23 soon-to-be consultants pretend to be instruments.
Celebrate? Nobody in My 8:30 Math Recitation Knows Today Is My Birthday
Are there any other pisces in the room?
Self-Help: Help Yourself to Another Brownie :)
ohh, did that one have fudge inside??? :) :) :) Hell YEAH! :) :) :) :) :)
OP-ED: I'll Do a Line, and Then You Strangle Me, Okay?
How many times do I have to explain this? It’s really not that hard of a concept to grasp.
