Yeah, I’ve been told I should do standup comedy, but tweeting nonsequiturs on the internet under the moniker “jasonson” is so much more fun, and the likes give me instant gratification.
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I think it's fine, so it is.
The public seems to be very excited about this new mode of intimate oversharing.
Excited for quality time with Papa, you pick a new release film you haven't seen before—and just like that, you seal your fate. You are about to watch porn with Dad.
There's still time to string together the one thing that Dad has been hoping for: that idealized fantasy picnic shown during the side effects of every medication ad.
I know you wanted to go all out for Father's Day, but sometimes you're lazy, broke, or both. What to do? Time to whip out an old reliable: Breakfast in Bed.
this is so ducking annoying why won’t it say duck duck duck fuck got it
Drop all your activities. Read The Bible. Download Tinder. Marry Sarwar Shah from the 40th St Halal Truck. Busy yourself with domestic work.
"I hate you!" is the perfect phrase to yell at your parents as you beg them to love you and give you everything you ask for.
We promise "Skabort" will be a crowd favorite at your next orgy.
YES! Let’s just smoke a cigarette. Delish! Nothing tastes better than that.
Sure you do.
Even the Halal guy tells me that I am important.
I’m all against competitions unless it’s coming down between me and another Chinese skank. In that case, there is absolutely a competition and I’m winning.
Good dick is good dick.
Hundreds if not thousands of students pass through Penn without once experiencing the wonder that is the poke bowl at Bento. No wonder people are so glum here.
I’m prepared to weather whatever resistance I am met with by mothers, fathers, and every other fucker under a baby’s conspiratorial spell.
Bring justice to us future lung cancer patients.
We cannot even imagine the depth and breadth of Penn's sphere of influence. There's the saying "money makes the world go 'round," but I think the more apt expression is: "money makes the world burn, especially if it's Penn's money."