Heaven looks a lot like Facebook marketplace

They're the new kids in town. 

What do you call a cheap circumcision?  A rip off!

It was a simpler time; I still considered myself pre-med, ate McClelland eight times a week, and protested Castle.

Send out that When to Meet, sync your GCals, and enjoy your new best friend! 

Oh Herr Engels, Herr Marx, Chairman, Uncle Ho. I thank thee for my great fortuna. Margaret from Ohio does indeed support labor. 

Each time I see the oh so not recognizable Amalfi Coast, a discreet half image of Big Ben, or the completely unfamiliar Sydney Opera House, my mind fills with textbook figures of gouty white men in uniforms stepping out of armed ships and [ACTION REQUIRED] emails. 

They literally don’t belong here.

Imagine you came up with these awesome email ideas but are still struggling to get that letter. You’re seeing people around you. They’re going to career fairs. Where are you? Wilcaf. Writing satire. They have jobs. You don’t. They’ve been accepted to their abroad programs. You haven’t. 

I want to explore the world! I want my mind, body, and soul to experience different environments, different cultures, different halal carts, even! 

In response to this crisis, Penn has decided to remove all plumbing in DRL until 2028.

Now you know how large these buildings are, as well as the color of my nails. 

The people manning the booths were completely unfashionable and some clubs – see MERT – even prided themselves on NOT being drinking clubs.

 Through candid conversation, a consensus emerges: we should have affirmative action for rich people.

Just like other highly effective and admirable organizations here (I'm looking at you, CAPS), MERT understands the basics of supply and demand.

Magill responded to the findings via IG story: "We are so back."

 Fellow explorer of the unchartered territories of Path@Penn, if you find this, please tell my friends and family that I love them.  And please tell the professor that I am unable to drop the class, as I am dead.  

These freshmen just come to their Quaker Day, see a mirage of colors, grab the first bandana they see, and get straight to the felonies.

Gay !

Flipping drivers “the bird” is an overused and overly-aggressive defense to avoid getting hit by a car. Here are some nicer alternatives to properly communicate with Philadelphia’s finest automobile operators: