It was a simpler time; I still considered myself pre-med, ate McClelland eight times a week, and protested Castle.

It’s time to face the truth. There’s simply nothing as blissful as a Swedish woman dislocating your spine and rearranging your organs.

 I miss the days when I could get a $5 halal before going to class and licking all the tables, chairs, doorknobs, and power outlets.

The renewed controversy comes just days after Congressional Republicans accused Penn of offering Chinese language classes.

First hand, you and your classmates can examine each other’s… members!

His landlord gutted the thing and stapled bed sheets to the interior to give it a nice homey vibe.

 “Your English is almost as good as mine!” noted Philadelphia native Lily Gretcher.

“Wait, what dialect do you speak at home?” asked Liu. “Western New England English,” Wang replied.

That annoying guy in your seminar just got more annoying.

What a Mmmm Mmmm yummy meal I had.

Penn has set its sights on the most obvious hurdle impeding a green future – oboe players.

It really is time for break -- time to be free of finals, to be away from your failed situationship, to have a bedroom to yourself, and for the only thing that really matters: quality me-time. 

Witnesses say the suspect was last seen waddling past the library security desk.

Danse, dance, dAAAAAAAANCE! 

Spoiler: It's not what you think!

I do not like commons green eggs and ham. I do not like this, Maya I am.

It's so worth it! It really does smell a little different on everyone.

And hey, it’s not like Philly is going to do anything about it. One resident close to the demolished shelter said, “This place kinda sucks” when I asked her how she felt about Penn’s most recent expansion.

This ruined the would-be event of the year for empty-nesters who now have nothing better to look forward to than amateur a cappella.