Under the Button is part of a student-run nonprofit.

Please support us by disabling your ad blocker on our site.


Freshman Excited to Live on His Own Won’t Do Laundry Until Fall Break

Ah, NSO. The sweet smell of freedom in the air. No parents, no rules, no repercussions for public intoxication. We met up with a particularly eager Wharton freshman, Aaron Abramovitz, who reflected on this new stage of life. 

What Freshmen Had to Say About the Annual NSO Masquerade Orgy

While you may have attended the toga party during your orientation week, hopefully you didn't miss out on Penn's Annual NSO Masquerade Orgy. Always a hit amongst freshmen, staff, faculty, and alumni alike, we checked in with some (anonymous) underclassmen to get their reactions on the event.

Girl Who Spent Summer Masturbating Out of Boredom Can't Wait to Masturbate to Relieve Stress

While most Penn students spent their summers at world-class internships or lamenting the fact that they didn’t get one, college sophomore Rissy Clitto, Jr. had different plans. Clitto apparently spent the “vast majority of the summer masturbating in her room, only ever coming out to eat and go to the bathroom,” her mother, Rissy Clitto, Sr. stated in an interview.

Smart: This Company Will Pay For Your College Education in Exchange for Just Your Organs

Have you ever found yourself wishing that college wasn’t so expensive? Have you ever thought to yourself, "I don’t even know what half of my organs are for?" Well, if you happen to have done both of those things, you're in luck! Organic Education is offering college students the deal of a lifetime—they will pay for your college education in exchange for just your organs.

US News Ranks Penn Number One in Ability to Face Federal Prosecution Later in Life

Of the thousands and thousands of universities in the world, Penn is No. 1 in students’ ability to be prosecuted on federal charges, according to The US News and World Report.

Fintech Company Executives Actually Met at NSO Toga Party

For some, networking begins on day one. CEO Jake Howard (E '10) and CFO Adam Kaminsky (W '10) of CryptoCrack, a revolutionary fintech company that describes itself as the “Venmo, Square, and Robinhood of Crypto,” reveal the story of how they met—during New Student Orientation of their freshman year.

Sophomore Says Hi to All Her Acquaintances at Darty, Can Finally Leave

As NSO rolls around, so do all those Facebook darty invites. Of course, Carolina Cortes (C ’21), because she isn’t rude, replied ‘going’ to all of them: to panthers, to gorillas, and, yes, even to scorpions. 

Report: 85% of Freshmen Haven't Come to Penn, Still Waiting for School Bus

It’s that time of year again. While most upperclassmen have settled back in their old campus haunts, Penn’s freshman halls lie mysteriously empty.

Peer Advisor Suggests Trying 'A Little Cocaine' This Semester

Junior peer advisor Julia Cole has started reaching out to her freshman advisees.  She’s encouraged them all to contact their pre-major advisor, apply to all the clubs that interest them, and to try some cocaine. 

Senior Girl With $2,400 Rent to Literally Never Leave Smokes

Christie Satterfield (C ’19) doesn’t love her new apartment at The Brian. Sure, it has super cute granite countertops in the kitchen and bathrooms, the most lovely waterfall shower and multi-jet bathtub, and such a quaint planetarium off the living room. But it just doesn’t feel like home sweet home.

Freshman Drops Class Because Midterm Will Conflict With Day 2 of Her Period

Lisa Wilcox (C ’22) had everything planned out. A fresh-faced pre-med student ready to take on the world and declare her BBB major (in no particular order), Wilcox was set to knock out all of her introductory science requirements by the end of her freshman spring. Unfortunately, even the best laid plans go awry.

Huntsman Closing at 2 a.m. Gives Wharton Students First Ever Urge to be Engaged

With the calm and politically gentle year of 2017, most Wharton students had no idea anything in the world was problematic enough to be deserving of a protest. 

5 Dorm Decorations That Will Make People Think You’re Fun and Cool

If you’re not an international student or from New York, it can be hard to make an impactful first impression. 

Rising Junior Ecstatic to Return to Wearing Athleisure Every Day

According to a school-wide survey, Alex Travers (W ’20) is one of the six students excited to return to school this month.

All NSO Events Preemptively Moved to HUP Emergency Room

Citing low attendance in years past to mandatory New Student Orientation events, the University announced Monday that all events this year will be held at its hospital’s emergency room. The move is part of an effort to make attending NSO events more convenient for freshmen.

Uh Oh! New Pool Party Dress Code Excludes Jerseys, Crop Tops, and Privilege

The dress code states that, “under no circumstance are sports jerseys allowed in the vicinity. Please find hip, alternative ways to assert your stomach-churning masculinity. We have faith in you.

NSO Seminar to Teach Mechanisms for Coping With Father’s Indictment While at Penn

The “Daddy Issues: Legal Trouble in the Penn Bubble” seminar will be mandatory for all students whose family names are attached to campus buildings.

Foodie Alert! Incoming Freshman Has Already Secured 5 Zahav Reservations

The early bird gets the worm! Or in this case, rather than a worm, Elizabeth Rogers (C '22) will be getting some Golden Beets and a Syrian Lamb Kabob.

Woah! Andrew Is an Incoming Finance Concentrator at The Wharton School

“I thought when I told the world 2 years in advance that I would be an Investment Banking Summer Analyst at Goldman Sachs, no one could be bolder. But this, this is bold.”