“They had us uprooting orchids, roses, tulips, carnations—all in the sweltering hot sun, ” Stewart murmured. “The rumors were true. This really is a weed-out class.” 

Golden Goose, a brand for the people, has decided to join the ranks of TOMS and many other altruistic companies. 

The fancy, decadent man you share a house with is currently brewing espresso with his expensive, highly-specialized device.

 “This is a unique business model. Currently, there is not a single store trying to do what we are doing.” 

Weird flex but ok

In a recent study, David Rittenhouse Laboratories was reported to have the highest (hand) foot (and mouth) traffic of any academic building.

Many Penn students can afford not to care about politics because those politics do not directly threaten their health and safety.

She wants her (parents’) hard-earned money returned! 

The meal was an extended angry and tense silence.

Saying goodbye to his family and friends, James embarked on his journey, eager to embrace a new culture and get out of the Penn bubble.

Progressives around campus are applauding Penn for finally agreeing to compensate the elves who manually coordinate course registration with $15 an hour for their work.

Spooky Szn may be over, but all the ghosts in Fisher Fine Arts are on the rampage to recruit some warm, new flesh to join the masses of souls doomed to forever walk the land of the living in a state of cursed limbo.

Although many professors are confident this is only temporary, the change has already affected many aspects of the University and is expected to have larger consequences. The old book and tweed jacket industries have begun to see downward trends.

Ladies, on this campus riddled with hand, foot, and mouth disease and midterms-induced greasy hair, we have to prioritize cleanliness when securing a mans for the long, cold winter ahead.

She wanted to “put natural selection to the test” in a controlled experiment, as the “body of evidence supporting the theory is painfully underwhelming.”

For Engineering freshman Julia Hayes, life can get just a little bit lonely between her seven-hour Netflix binges and two-hour long sob sessions.

"I called SHS, and when they asked for my injury, all I heard was a five-minute laugh from the receptionist, before she said ‘lol, suck it up, wimp’ and hung up the phone."

Every gay woman has been there. You're sitting in class, looking aggressively homosexual, and yet apparently not homosexual enough.

The findings support previous research which concluded that students value “clout” roughly 10 times more than social impact.

After just a few nibbles of his food, Michael quickly felt an unsettled shift in his guts.