Sure, it’s nice to see you all repost a video of a polar bear standing on melting ice, but did you personally go to the Arctic and sacrifice yourself as a form of sustenance for the bear? That’s what I thought.
Days on end I have spent somberly staring out the window, my feminine passions lit ablaze by the sight of anyone resembling a delivery man.
Sure, it’s nice to see you all repost a video of a polar bear standing on melting ice, but did you personally go to the Arctic and sacrifice yourself as a form of sustenance for the bear? That’s what I thought.
Ashley reportedly wanted to “take this pandemic seriously” and “survive.” What a fucking bitch am I right?
Days on end I have spent somberly staring out the window, my feminine passions lit ablaze by the sight of anyone resembling a delivery man.
Oh, give me a break.
Polio victims have had a long history of pushing progressive policies. A polio victim pushed through the New Deal. Who does Coronavirus have? Donald Trump? Chris Christie? Lindsay Graham?
We could meal prep for the week, attend ten 60-second lectures, or take a really good shit - if only our professors actually respected our time.
You can believe everything I have to say about this school because I basically go here already. With Eric Furda’s approval, my trusty lanyard, and steamy Ben Franklin statue photos, I have the holy trinity of being a seasoned Penn student.
I know that that you're way out of my league, given that you're an international sensation now, but Mike Pence's Head Fly, WILL YOU GO TO PROM WITH ME?
The girl next to you tells everyone she’s “outdoorsy.” You call BS. Settle for these more realistic lies that will surely rock everyone’s socks!
Don’t think of yourself as an incel watching Zoom lectures, think of yourself as a monk dedicating your life to the one true cause— Runescape.
Of course, maybe the first sign should have been when she dropped her onlyfans link in the chat on the first day of class offering extra credit for subscribing.
Therapy is a capitalist cash-grab scheme, and we’re tired of big Psych compelling our readers to waste their money.
I write some of my own poetry and short stories and, of course, I'm reading high literary art including the likes of Joyce, Faulkner, and Marlowe, but sometimes after a long day of scholarly pursuits, I find myself indulging in my high school guilty pleasure: fan-fiction.
I...II... - two negative tests. I counted again with tally marks to make sure. |...||... - two negative tests. I had coronavirus.
you can explain trickle-down economics but how do you explain these tears trickling down my face - :'(
So, we’re lighting up right? Come on, there's no way the professor checks in on us. We’re freakin’ breakout room six, man! No holds barred!
Based on my high-tech Fitbit, I can guarantee that I've spent 99.5% of my time within a one-mile radius of my house. Having spent so much time here the past few months, I thought it was fitting to give you a tour of my special little island filled with highlights from my town.
It’s time to wake up, smell the roses, and call it as we see it. “Synchronous” and “Asynchronous” must be replaced with “Fuck” and “Fuck Me In The Ass.”
I began wondering, why are people surprised by the events of 2020? Like Cats was basically the introduction. And no one said anything?
Hey I’m so sorry can you resend me the zoom link for today? Ugh, I know, I don’t know why I keep losing it.
Solutions by The State News
