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UTBiden: The Video Game

Have you ever wondered what it's like to be the 47th Vice President of the United States and Presidential Professor of Practice, Joseph Robinette Biden Jr? Now's your chance! Hop on your scooter and navigate Locust as you travel from Perry World House to your meeting with Amy Gutmann.


Wow! This Formal DJ Used Transitions Between Songs

Somehow, it was almost like two songs were being played at once. And granted, it didn’t sound great. The keys of the two songs didn’t quite mesh well, but goddamnit Liza was just so darned amazed that there were two songs mixed together that she couldn’t care less.


OP-ED: I Didn’t Get a Flu Shot, but It’s Okay Cause I Have a Cup of Green Tea Everyday

I consider myself an herbalist. No, not in the I-smoke-pot-everyday way, but more in my tendency to consume a small cup of single-origin green tea every day.  


Touching! Cryptic, Oddly Threatening Flyer Posted on Locust Brightens Freshman's Day

New posters have cropped up since the initial one, but lately the messages have switched from being oddly threatening to just flat out aggressive.


Innovative! Unconnected Freshman Checks Snap Map for Tonight's Moves

Priscilla Wang (W ’22), or "the ultimate plug" as she's referred to by her friends, always pulls through with the moves.


A Cappella Group Finally Releases 2006 Spring Show Recording

On Friday, Penn’s premiere alt-jazz indie-hop scat-bop k-pop a cappella group Kite and Off-Key stirred up the campus music scene with the release of the recording of their 2006 spring show, Pluton’t You Wanna Make Some Music With Us.


Verdict Is In: No Way to Look Cool Carrying an &Pizza Box

There are a variety of techniques you can use to transport your &Pizza box to its final destination. Each method comes with its own pros and cons — none will be cool.


Students Install Giant White Sneaker on Ben Franklin Bench to Represent White Sneakers at Penn

The three fine arts students created the installation for a final project in hopes of raising awareness that the majority of Penn students have incredibly basic shoe game. 


Forget Puppies: Penn Saves Big Money by Hiring Therapy Cockroaches for Finals Week

Instead of providing hairy, mangy pups with slobbery mouths, the College has instead decided to invest in a far more adorable critter: the cockroach.


Professor Assigns Problem Set That Is Just a List of Intimate Personal Issues

Physics professor Robert Ryker recently assigned a problem set to his physics 151 lecture that contained no physics problems. Instead, it contained a list of Professor Ryker's personal issues.


Penn Researchers Develop Even Thinner Toilet Paper For Campus Bathrooms

45 percent thinner than existing toilet paper, the new design replaces the existing single ply with the equivalent of a half ply.


OP-ED: I Swear I'm Not Stealing Anything! I'm Walking Slowly Through Frogro Late at Night Because I'm Hella Indecisive

There are only so many reasons someone would be at a Frogro past 11 at night and none of them involve good decision making skills.


Student Still Thinks 'Maybe I Know Someone In This One' After Staring Into 362 GSRs

Bradley peered optimistically, hoping to catch a glimpse of a familiar face. Instead, he ended up making painful eye contact with numerous strangers for two seconds at a time, over and over again.


Smokes Hosts 21st Birthday Celebration for 3-Year Regular

No longer would she have to fret as the bouncers inspected her fake, which they would hold up to the light while they asked for the capital of Delaware.


Help! My Grandma Started Using the Word Drip!

Apart from the usual things I expected from my time at home for Thanksgiving, I was not expecting the new slang that my Grandma had picked up. 


Entire Class Turns on TA After Professor Mistakenly Leaves During Exam

DRL Lecture Hall A3 recently went from learning-field to battlefield. As a midterm for Astronomy 533 was well underway, Professor Henry Glack made the critical mistake of leaving the room in the middle of the exam.


'I Hate Glass Ceilings' Notes Student Who Spends Free Time Calling Amy Gutmann a Robot

Sammie Tomson (C ‘19) is committed to shattering artificial barriers to success. She’s also deeply dedicated to exposing Dr. Amy Gutmann for the fraud she is.


Revolutionary: Junior Fulfills Arts and Letters Sector by Watching Miyazaki Films in Pod for an Entire Semester

“Why take Chick Lit or Roman Mythology like a sucker when you could be relishing the Pod experience,” Blankenship gloated before returning his attention to a 15-second clip of “Spirited Away" looping on a nearby monitor.


Five Ways to Lie About Your 2.0 GPA this Holiday Season

'Tis the season, and if you have anything lower than a 4.0, your ass is grass and your family is going to mow it.


Sophomore Who Was Promised by Professor There Was No Formula to Getting an A Creates Formula to Get an A

He hadn’t shown up to his PSYC 170 class since mid-September and with the final in the morning, he knew his ass was grass.


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