When asked what the main draws of replacing his therapy dog with Xanax were, Schmidt specifically noted how, “Xanax doesn’t shit on your carpet or need to be walked.”
Upon further inspection, it was found that Daniel had indeed prepared his noodles not in water but in Skyy.
Feeling down? Turn them blue. Want to have a rave in your tiny dorm room, or in search of an epileptic seizure? Click the flash button. Seeking attention because nobody is friends with you? Flash SOS in Morse code. The possibilities are endless.
“Alright future chemists, riddle me this: what do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?”
We're all looking for a little bit of light in this dark chapter of world history.
5. Playing Monopoly with your family. For those of you who have a family, it might help your mood to dip your toes in our upcoming anarcho-capitalist dystopia by playing some friendly matches of the board game.
I used to think that I would never be able to create a masterpiece as good as Veronica Roth's Divergent, but now, with the COVID-19 workshop, I can really imagine what it would be like to live in a world where you can never see the light of day. It’s inspiring!
What classes am I in this semester? Asking for a friend.
I can literally feel my mental health deteriorating,” lamented Jared over a Zoom video interview, as he sat outside by his heated pool. “It’s going to be tough, but if I pull through this semester and pass all my classes, well, I mean, that’s a true testament to the strength of the human will."
No flippin’ way, man… NO FLIPPIN’ WAY! ARE YOU IN FLIPPIN' SAN FRANCISCO RIGHT NOW?? Is that… IS THAT THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE???
Although graduate programs may be confused as to how to interpret the stickers, I think they’ll quickly learn that anything holographic is innately superior to any sticker that has a flaccid, one-dimensional color scheme.
While we recognize that our establishment is closed, because of your lack of support, we want to assure you that we are still here for you.
This information itself comes from President Donald Trump’s most recent Twitch livestream.
Please remember to keep your umbrellas closed when walking through the wind tunnel; it is a matter of public safety.
“Jokes? What jokes? I don’t write jokes.”
There were empty boxes — empty boxes everywhere. Someone really went to town on Amazon Prime, I thought.
Maybe he's related.... to the Huntsman family...... No, there's no way. It can't be...
Despite leaving them in her charging case for thirty-four minutes prior, her milky white listening devices have failed her.
Uh-oh… it’s happening again.
“Yeah, now that I think about it, this global pandemic has actually worked out really well for me.”