For the first time in 93 years and also for the first time ever, Penn Medicine will be relocating their 12.5-ton Sphincter statue from the basement of HUP to the main lobby!
“Really you two?? I thought you raised me to never act like this,” said Samantha.
“Wait, how many girls do you have with you?” *rips juul* “Eh…Take a lap, guys.”
"Kicking Rick out last semester really left a bad taste in our mouths — we knew we had to make it up to the poor guy."
“I don’t know what I did to deserve this,” lamented Patterson, "I ghosted those people for a reason, Facebook."
She knows who you are. She knows what you did. She’s your high school math teacher, and to her, you will always be an incompetent piece of shit.
Kendra reposted the videos to her own story and proudly declared that she was “so done” with the meat and dairy industries.
After four semesters of flailing around like a fish out of water through intro level Spanish classes, I have finally diagnosed the root cause of my struggles: I don’t speak Spanish, I speak English.
I am MicKinsey's, and McKinsey's mine.
I am a firm believer that millennials can change the world we already have. And by that I of course mean that they can, by 2030, physically consume all of the plastic ever created.
“At long last, it is time to execute function sleepExcessiveAmounts().”
I can tell you that it comes from the Middle English word Wednesdei, which comes from the Old English word Wōdnesdæg, but I just don't know man, I can't spell Wensday for the life of me.
I just want to know how long I have to keep exploring my options, even though yeah, I know I interned here last summer too.
If a fetus is not permitted to bear arms, how will we be protected against tyranny?
Look, I’ve seen better assaults, I’ve seen worse assaults. But honestly, as far as assaults go, it left a lot to be desired.
You have enough problems with your own uterus, so why should you care about the uterus of that girl from ninth grade bio?
Be honest with yourself, you're going to get so invested that you do all the research by yourself anyways, so why not get credit for it?
If you just embraced your beautiful, unpronounceable last name by allowing everyone in the United States to mock it, I think your edge would be that much sharper.
Ooh, do you think they’ll put in another Starbucks where this book place is? I could honestly really use some extra spots to procrastinate and buy coffee before class.
Professor Shannon is happy to report that she currently enjoys an overall rating of 1.2 on Penn Course Review, and “is optimistic that in the coming semesters [she]’ll be able to bring her average up to the 1.25 range.”