It’s time to face the truth. There’s simply nothing as blissful as a Swedish woman dislocating your spine and rearranging your organs.

Thinking. Pondering. Wondering.

Ooh… egad… It smells a little un poco podrigo in Huntsman Hall now…

With this comes the death of media bias, we shall all revel in the age of true reporting and inclusion.

 I miss the days when I could get a $5 halal before going to class and licking all the tables, chairs, doorknobs, and power outlets.

The renewed controversy comes just days after Congressional Republicans accused Penn of offering Chinese language classes.

First hand, you and your classmates can examine each other’s… members!

His landlord gutted the thing and stapled bed sheets to the interior to give it a nice homey vibe.

"Carey, this shows me that you have more than enough self-confidence and are maybe even a little narcissistic!" - My Therapist

 “Your English is almost as good as mine!” noted Philadelphia native Lily Gretcher.

“Wait, what dialect do you speak at home?” asked Liu. “Western New England English,” Wang replied.

I Just Feel Like They Should Provide Booster Seats Right?

An advice column about love, life, and rock n’ roll, run by two of the sveltest broads in all of Pennsylvania. 

He does, however, consider your membership in ILMUNC, the Philomathean Society, and Penn Democrats.

I guess one way would be to write for some shitty comedy outlet a few times a week and just delegitimize everything I do in class. 

My friends on the TV were somewhat concerned with the state of the US House of Representatives.

That annoying guy in your seminar just got more annoying.