It’s Friday evening and you just got out of writing seminar, your loins aflame. For the past hour and half you have ogled the sexiest man you have ever had the pleasure of ogling. His name is Jeff, and he is one hot tamale.
Saying goodbye to his family and friends, James embarked on his journey, eager to embrace a new culture and get out of the Penn bubble.
It’s Friday evening and you just got out of writing seminar, your loins aflame. For the past hour and half you have ogled the sexiest man you have ever had the pleasure of ogling. His name is Jeff, and he is one hot tamale.
"It’s kind of refreshing that someone as accomplished as Samantha can feel the same sort of things as normal, regular folk like me."
Saying goodbye to his family and friends, James embarked on his journey, eager to embrace a new culture and get out of the Penn bubble.
Progressives around campus are applauding Penn for finally agreeing to compensate the elves who manually coordinate course registration with $15 an hour for their work.
Spooky Szn may be over, but all the ghosts in Fisher Fine Arts are on the rampage to recruit some warm, new flesh to join the masses of souls doomed to forever walk the land of the living in a state of cursed limbo.
Although many professors are confident this is only temporary, the change has already affected many aspects of the University and is expected to have larger consequences. The old book and tweed jacket industries have begun to see downward trends.
Freshman Fall often lends itself to intimate suitemate bonding — you'll likely see them cry, laugh, and even vomit within the first two days of NSO.
Ladies, on this campus riddled with hand, foot, and mouth disease and midterms-induced greasy hair, we have to prioritize cleanliness when securing a mans for the long, cold winter ahead.
She wanted to “put natural selection to the test” in a controlled experiment, as the “body of evidence supporting the theory is painfully underwhelming.”
For Engineering freshman Julia Hayes, life can get just a little bit lonely between her seven-hour Netflix binges and two-hour long sob sessions.
No way will my child play football — at least, not with those slow feet.
I thought it’d be fun to take one tonight. Let’s really have a night, you know? Well, you know how I get when I do stimulants.
"I called SHS, and when they asked for my injury, all I heard was a five-minute laugh from the receptionist, before she said ‘lol, suck it up, wimp’ and hung up the phone."
Every gay woman has been there. You're sitting in class, looking aggressively homosexual, and yet apparently not homosexual enough.
Let me set the scene: I was zoned out in class when I felt a familiar twinge in my lower abdomen and a warm, sanguine rush beneath me.
Ignore that deep gnawing in your soul and plaster a half-hearted smile on that disgusting face of yours as you utter these words to your friends.
The findings support previous research which concluded that students value “clout” roughly 10 times more than social impact.
After just a few nibbles of his food, Michael quickly felt an unsettled shift in his guts.
It may not be snowing yet, but the inside of Huntsman already looks like a bona fide winter wonderland.
According to eyewitness reports, Joseph Sockless (W '19) abruptly started sentences with “alright…” four separate times last night while attempting to leave a group of friends in order to lie in bed restlessly for hours.
Solutions by The State News
