OP-ED: I Swear I'm Not Stealing Anything! I'm Walking Slowly Through Frogro Late at Night Because I'm Hella Indecisive
There are only so many reasons someone would be at a Frogro past 11 at night and none of them involve good decision making skills.
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Smokes Hosts 21st Birthday Celebration for 3-Year Regular
No longer would she have to fret as the bouncers inspected her fake, which they would hold up to the light while they asked for the capital of Delaware.
OP-ED: I Swear I'm Not Stealing Anything! I'm Walking Slowly Through Frogro Late at Night Because I'm Hella Indecisive
There are only so many reasons someone would be at a Frogro past 11 at night and none of them involve good decision making skills.
Student Still Thinks 'Maybe I Know Someone In This One' After Staring Into 362 GSRs
Jon Diamond-Reivich
Thursday, Dec. 13, 2018Thu, Dec 13, 2018
Bradley peered optimistically, hoping to catch a glimpse of a familiar face. Instead, he ended up making painful eye contact with numerous strangers for two seconds at a time, over and over again.
Smokes Hosts 21st Birthday Celebration for 3-Year Regular
No longer would she have to fret as the bouncers inspected her fake, which they would hold up to the light while they asked for the capital of Delaware.
Help! My Grandma Started Using the Word Drip!
Apart from the usual things I expected from my time at home for Thanksgiving, I was not expecting the new slang that my Grandma had picked up.
Entire Class Turns on TA After Professor Mistakenly Leaves During Exam
DRL Lecture Hall A3 recently went from learning-field to battlefield. As a midterm for Astronomy 533 was well underway, Professor Henry Glack made the critical mistake of leaving the room in the middle of the exam.
UTBiden: The Video Game
Have you ever wondered what it's like to be the 47th Vice President of the United States and Presidential Professor of Practice, Joseph Robinette Biden Jr? Now's your chance! Hop on your scooter and navigate Locust as you travel from Perry World House to your meeting with Amy Gutmann.
'I Hate Glass Ceilings' Notes Student Who Spends Free Time Calling Amy Gutmann a Robot
Sammie Tomson (C ‘19) is committed to shattering artificial barriers to success. She’s also deeply dedicated to exposing Dr. Amy Gutmann for the fraud she is.
Revolutionary: Junior Fulfills Arts and Letters Sector by Watching Miyazaki Films in Pod for an Entire Semester
“Why take Chick Lit or Roman Mythology like a sucker when you could be relishing the Pod experience,” Blankenship gloated before returning his attention to a 15-second clip of “Spirited Away" looping on a nearby monitor.
Five Ways to Lie About Your 2.0 GPA this Holiday Season
'Tis the season, and if you have anything lower than a 4.0, your ass is grass and your family is going to mow it.
Sophomore Who Was Promised by Professor There Was No Formula to Getting an A Creates Formula to Get an A
He hadn’t shown up to his PSYC 170 class since mid-September and with the final in the morning, he knew his ass was grass.
Wellness Win: Student Lives with Endangered Panamanian Sloths to Not Feel Insecure About Study Habits
That’s when Brown decided to move into a house with a family of endangered Panamanian sloths.
College Senior Still Harbors Suspicion That She Was Admitted to Penn by Accident
“I just sometimes feel like I was admitted by mistake,” Jones explained. “Not just ‘sometimes,’ actually. I regularly feel that way."
Smirnoff to Make Handle-Sized Ice
In a press release today, Smirnoff announced it would be making a larger serving size of its popular drink, the Ice.
Campus Sports Fans Thrilled They Can Still Bandwagon Penn Men's Basketball
Tens, maybe-but-probably-not hundreds, of students on campus rejoiced this evening when Penn men's basketball upset reigning NCAA national champion Villanova and shocked the world (except the three DP sports writers who "predict" every year that Penn will beat 'Nova — they totally called it).
BREAKING: Startup Founder Looking to Hire Friends
No doubt about it, CIS major and entrepreneur Joey Freeman (E ‘21, W '21) means business.
In Trump's First Effort to Reduce Climate Change, Nation's Supply of Windmills to Be Relocated to High Rise Wind Tunnel
A recent announcement may finally quell some worries: Trump has ordered that the nation's supply of windmills be relocated to the high-rise wind tunnel.
Vice Provost Wendell Pritchett Just Happy to Be Here
Known to most students for speaking at convocation and co-signing emails with President Amy Gutmann, Pritchett spends his the bulk of his time these days lounging in his den.
Student Getting Spooned in Van Pelt Turnstile Experiencing First Human Touch in Weeks
Caught between a turnstile refusing to read his PennCard and the continuous shuffling of students in the midst of finals, Samuelson found himself briefly — but blissfully — pressed up against the softness of the Canada Goose jacket worn by the second person in line.
Garfield Named Presidential Professor of Lasagna
Penn is adding yet another iconic public figure to its esteemed group of Presidential Professors of Practice.
OP-ED: I Don’t Mind Getting 25% Off This Assignment, My 8th Trip to Spicy Memory This Semester is More Important
Midterms are worth 50% of the overall grade anyways, so all you have to do is sober up by the next one so you don’t sleep through it like you slept through the first two.
