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The Mirrors in DRL Remind Me I Belong There

As I hobbled down the hallway, I took a quick glance to my left and saw my reflection.

Photo Essay: A Tour of Penn's Campus with Coin for Scale

Now you know how large these buildings are, as well as the color of my nails. 

Rookie Mistake: Freshman Confused Why NOTO So Hard To Find at “Club” Fair

The people manning the booths were completely unfashionable and some clubs – see MERT – even prided themselves on NOT being drinking clubs.

After SFFA v. Harvard, What’s Next for Affirmative Action at Penn? We Asked Two White Guys and the Daughter of a Shanghainese Billionaire

 Through candid conversation, a consensus emerges: we should have affirmative action for rich people.

Ugh! My Nespresso Package Got Stolen From My Off-Campus-Brownstone-Penthouse-Suite Doorstep

Is this some sort of karmic retribution for my entitlement, is the world mocking my self-assuredness, in an attempt to prove me woefully wrong?

In Honor of Jimmy Buffett’s Life, Liz Magill to Host Margarita Social on College Green This Weekend

“If we couldn’t laugh we would all go insane.” – Jimmy Buffett

Breaking: MERT to Implement Appointment-Only Booking System

Just like other highly effective and admirable organizations here (I'm looking at you, CAPS), MERT understands the basics of supply and demand.

Oh Melancholia! How I Felt When I Learned That I Was Excluded From the Hill 1-Green “Fake IDs” Group Chat

Turns out they were a group order of fakes in their own right. 

New Survey Finds Penn Students Chill AF, Move Different, Smoke That Chronic

Magill responded to the findings via IG story: "We are so back."

If 1 in 5 People in the World Are Actually Chinese, Why Do I Still Have No Ethnic Friends?

My lightweight rowing team also, suspiciously, is all white. Any group of 5 that I create out of them has no Chinese people in it at all.

Help! I'm Trapped in the Recursive Windows of Path@Penn!

 Fellow explorer of the unchartered territories of Path@Penn, if you find this, please tell my friends and family that I love them.  And please tell the professor that I am unable to drop the class, as I am dead.  

Ok Hypocrite: My Dad Tells Me To Study Hard for Finals After Failing His Paternity Test

He’s just a man to me. I always wondered why I looked Wasian despite having a white dad. Well now I know, this fool failed the test.

Red, Blue…Too Many Colors! Incoming Freshman Doesn’t Know Whether to Throw Up Crip or Blood

These freshmen just come to their Quaker Day, see a mirage of colors, grab the first bandana they see, and get straight to the felonies.

Fuck Summer Internships, I Want to Be Remembered for My Art

Internships are seasonal, art is forever.

Take THAT, Patriarchy! I (a Girl) Won the Harrison Bracket Challenge

There's a lot of stuff you don't know about me.

Faking Interest, 第四个

An advice column about love, life, and rock n’ roll, run by two of the sveltest broads in all of Pennsylvania.

“Hey, Sorry. I Was Kind of Walking Here” and Other Passive Phrases to Prevent Getting Run Over

Flipping drivers “the bird” is an overused and overly-aggressive defense to avoid getting hit by a car. Here are some nicer alternatives to properly communicate with Philadelphia’s finest automobile operators: