As I hobbled down the hallway, I took a quick glance to my left and saw my reflection.

Now you know how large these buildings are, as well as the color of my nails. 

The people manning the booths were completely unfashionable and some clubs – see MERT – even prided themselves on NOT being drinking clubs.

 Through candid conversation, a consensus emerges: we should have affirmative action for rich people.

Is this some sort of karmic retribution for my entitlement, is the world mocking my self-assuredness, in an attempt to prove me woefully wrong?

“If we couldn’t laugh we would all go insane.” – Jimmy Buffett

Just like other highly effective and admirable organizations here (I'm looking at you, CAPS), MERT understands the basics of supply and demand.

Turns out they were a group order of fakes in their own right. 

Magill responded to the findings via IG story: "We are so back."

My lightweight rowing team also, suspiciously, is all white. Any group of 5 that I create out of them has no Chinese people in it at all.

 Fellow explorer of the unchartered territories of Path@Penn, if you find this, please tell my friends and family that I love them.  And please tell the professor that I am unable to drop the class, as I am dead.  

He’s just a man to me. I always wondered why I looked Wasian despite having a white dad. Well now I know, this fool failed the test.

Beep boop beep boop.

These freshmen just come to their Quaker Day, see a mirage of colors, grab the first bandana they see, and get straight to the felonies.

Gay !

Internships are seasonal, art is forever.

There's a lot of stuff you don't know about me.

An advice column about love, life, and rock n’ roll, run by two of the sveltest broads in all of Pennsylvania.

#3 may shock you. 

Flipping drivers “the bird” is an overused and overly-aggressive defense to avoid getting hit by a car. Here are some nicer alternatives to properly communicate with Philadelphia’s finest automobile operators: