“Your English is almost as good as mine!” noted Philadelphia native Lily Gretcher.

“Wait, what dialect do you speak at home?” asked Liu. “Western New England English,” Wang replied.

I Just Feel Like They Should Provide Booster Seats Right?

An advice column about love, life, and rock n’ roll, run by two of the sveltest broads in all of Pennsylvania. 

He does, however, consider your membership in ILMUNC, the Philomathean Society, and Penn Democrats.

I guess one way would be to write for some shitty comedy outlet a few times a week and just delegitimize everything I do in class. 

My friends on the TV were somewhat concerned with the state of the US House of Representatives.

That annoying guy in your seminar just got more annoying.

What a Mmmm Mmmm yummy meal I had.

Penn has set its sights on the most obvious hurdle impeding a green future – oboe players.

It really is time for break -- time to be free of finals, to be away from your failed situationship, to have a bedroom to yourself, and for the only thing that really matters: quality me-time. 

Finally! A comprehensive list of places where one can scream in and be at peace.

Witnesses say the suspect was last seen waddling past the library security desk.

 I miss the enlightened and sincere demeanor you presented with before this interschool minor!

Check on your friends with Health Registration Holds…    

First step, enema.

Danse, dance, dAAAAAAAANCE! 

I think it’s your nose, maybe your chin. It's like someone overlayed every white girls' face.