Recently Reunited Long Distance Couples Confirm That My Dorm Is Definitely the Best Place to Study on Campus
Why are they sharing the lingering flavors of last night’s Commons meal on the bench right outside my window?
Opinion
Have You Ever Kissed a Guy in Stouffer-Mayer? And Other Pickup Lines for People of Generally Low Social Standing
For one reason or another, you find yourself at the bottom of Penn’s social hierarchy. That’s ok. Maybe you’re ugly or from a weird state. Nothing you can really change.
Recently Reunited Long Distance Couples Confirm That My Dorm Is Definitely the Best Place to Study on Campus
Why are they sharing the lingering flavors of last night’s Commons meal on the bench right outside my window?
My Professor Is Mad! I Didn’t Do the Reading Because I Was Busy Finding the Truth
Even if we understand what someone is saying, that doesn’t actually mean that we understand it.
Have You Ever Kissed a Guy in Stouffer-Mayer? And Other Pickup Lines for People of Generally Low Social Standing
For one reason or another, you find yourself at the bottom of Penn’s social hierarchy. That’s ok. Maybe you’re ugly or from a weird state. Nothing you can really change.
7 Tips to Rush in the Eyes of Jesus
Sinning runs rampant; intoxication, fornication, and spiritual deprivation all accompany “Meeting the Bros” or “dirty rushing.” However, there is a way to do away with this filth and rush properly – rush how Jesus would.
I Know She Saw It: Coco Gauff Posted on Her Instagram Story But Didn’t Respond to My DM
Unbeknownst to me, that little bitch (read: fantastically successful and impressive athlete) just doesn't give a fuck about the beautiful things I have to say to her.
SAC Fair Opens New Horizons: Perhaps I Am the Perfect Candidate for Swing Dancing
Despite never taking a dance class in my life, the representatives regard my pudgy legs and deem them “perfect for our types of choreography.”
Op-Ed: I’m Going Abroad to Gregory College House
I want to explore the world! I want my mind, body, and soul to experience different environments, different cultures, different halal carts, even!
The Mirrors in DRL Remind Me I Belong There
As I hobbled down the hallway, I took a quick glance to my left and saw my reflection.
If 1 in 5 People in the World Are Actually Chinese, Why Do I Still Have No Ethnic Friends?
My lightweight rowing team also, suspiciously, is all white. Any group of 5 that I create out of them has no Chinese people in it at all.
Ok Hypocrite: My Dad Tells Me To Study Hard for Finals After Failing His Paternity Test
He’s just a man to me. I always wondered why I looked Wasian despite having a white dad. Well now I know, this fool failed the test.
Fuck Summer Internships, I Want to Be Remembered for My Art
Internships are seasonal, art is forever.
Damn, This Lovely Spring Weather Is Making Me Reflect on the Cyclical Nature of It All
How was your spring equinox? I almost forgot to ask.
Gatekeeping the Toxic Situationship Soft-Launch Until You Slay
None of these words were in The Bible.
I'm Done With These Halal Food Trucks, Point Me To The Haram Ones
Having Halal Food Won't Absolve You of Your Sins
Boy Gone Wild: My Licentious Spring Break in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
Definitely the easiest of the two capitol stormings I have participated in in my lifetime.
Editorial: I Am Not a Veteran
not a veteran I am not a veteran I do not identify as one or more
OP-ED: That Never Happened
A recounting of pre-break events
Photo Essay: Welcome to My World of Truly Delicious Foods
Buckle up and let's discover some great foods together...
OP-ED: I’m Going to Cabo for Spring Break in a Woke, Leftist Way
As Marx once said, “let the people darty.”
