The answer is shocking.

Accompanied by a “¯\_(ツ)_/¯” emoticon and the writing “oopsy-daisy” was the announcement that Penn has declared bankruptcy.

First, I began sneaking them into our texts. “Hey — can we talk tonight?” “Do you want to hang out — maybe next Friday?” “Wow, that GIF you sent of a guy slipping and falling head-first into a tub full of hot sauce was — frankly — pretty epic.”

Penn has been championing interdisciplinary creativity for decades; intertwining gastronomy and gynecology is no exception.

 I thought to myself, I really am just like the coyote. I spend so much time and effort trying to catch this fast blue bird, which is metaphorical to some higher unspecified goal. But all that amounts to is just repeatedly dropping an anvil on my head. 

That idea had literally never passed through my vapid little brain, so I’m really excited to try it out on my two presentations, six reflections, three final papers, and four exams due this coming week. 

Wait until your code isn’t looking, then scream “Yahtzee!” really loudly. Before you know it, your code will be speeding out of there in no time flat.

In a press release today, Penn’s LGBT center, home of free printing on campus and nothing else, announced that it is now acceptable to describe things you dislike as “gay.”

This app– it’s so good. And I’m hardly being paid to say that. 

See this waterfall? It can go fuck itself too. 

As he nods along, stone-faced, his eyes look down and his face is lit from below.

Sure, right now, some parts of you are still PennInTouch and sometime this summer you and PennInTouch will merge into one supreme life form. But for now, I love seeing you as you are.

We are very please that despite many of your limitations, you were able to snag a coveted University administration spot, as INTERIM–provisional, temporary, short-term, etc.–Provost. 

After two and a half years behind masks at all times in all public settings, students have not only developed intense blackheads; they’ve also been fomenting some seriously dangerous bad breath. The University has taken decisive steps to combat this new threat to public health.  

On Wednesday nights, Sink or Swim will be discontinued and replaced with CIS 160 tutoring.

אבל כל המסעות חייבים להסתיים שכן רק על ידי הפסקת מסע זה בכלל מסע, אחרת אנחנו מעמידים את עצמנו במצב מתמיד של תנופה, בלי יכולת ליישם את ממצאי המסע שלנו. אָמֵן.