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Most Recent

Penn to Rent Your Parent’s Unfinished Basement for Student Housing During Upcoming Quad Renovations

Quaint and comfy, this basement is complete with visible wall insulation, industrial chic lighting, and bare concrete floors.

I Seek Personal Validation by Making Eye Contact with Asian Parents Touring Campus

 I am “your cousin Kevin” now, bitch.  

Life Fuel: Starbucks Claims that "You Spin Me Right Round Baby Right Round Like a Record Baby Right Round Round Round"

This is insane. This morning, at the Starbucks on 34th and Walnut, I had an experience that was beyond life-changing.

Photo Essay: Why Don't You Care That We're In The Poconos?

Please, follow us through our journey to what we like to call The Alps of Eastern Pennsylvania… or… The Poconos.

Oops! Magill Approves Penn's First Fleet of Fighter PILOTs

In an official statement, Magill responded to critics: “To our activists of color, I hear you. I am listening. Next time, I will try and listen a little more closely, though — I think I know what PILOTs are now.”

Quiz: Should You Go Blonde?

You could totally pull it off.

BREAKING: Women of Penn Wet for the First Time in Years

Here we all are. Together, on Penn‘s campus, in Philly, and, most importantly, wet.

OP-ED: Wharton Alliance Should Allow LGBTQ+ Allies to Cissy That Walk!

Cishet men/women dating in a nebulous queer way shall immediately be VPs of the diversity and inclusion committee.

There Will Be Blood: My Hallmate Fucked My Mom

When I met him during move-in my heart skipped a beat. So did my mom's. 

How To Dry Your Socks In Class Without Anyone Noticing

Pour liquid nitrogen onto your feet. Your feet are no longer wet, since they are now solid.

Woke Mob Hasn’t Cancelled David Bowie but Here Are the 10 Tweets I Will Fire Off if They Hypothetically Did

I am a top student at the University of Pennsylvania, not a prostitute.

Help! My Appearance Has Been Suffering, Please Send Me Thoughts About Me

Indeed, I have even attempted walking closely behind freshmen with hopes of corralling the trailings of their unregulated pheromones into my shell of a body. 

OP-ED: I’m Smiling Due to My Joy!

A failed situationship did not derail my life for four months!

Hell Yeah! MERT Has Motorcycles Now

Is getting MERTed... finally cool? 

Wharton Announces New Minor in White-Collar Crime for Class of 2027

The new curriculum was made possible due to a generous endowment from the Ponzi Foundation.

Penn Leasing the Radian Next Year? We Are All Just Dust on a Rock Floating in Space

They will begin leasing the Radian next year as sophomore on campus housing, and you and I are on this cosmic journey together.

Guy That Seemed Super Mysterious Turned Out to Have Just Grown up Mormon

I should have known when he said he had a lot of family in Utah.

OP-ED: The People in the High Rise Across From You Have Much More Fun and Interesting Lives

If I lived in Rodin, all my dreams would come true.

Diversity Win! Class of 2026 Most Diverse Cohort of High-Net-Worth Individuals

55% of the freshman class identifies as BIPOC (Businesspeople, Investors, People of Capital).