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One More Ceremony Until Gutmann Gets Dedication Bingo!

NEWS | Adam First Sunday, Oct. 13, 2019Sun, Oct 13, 2019

This isn’t a solo bingo game either: Gutmann has some steep competition to go up against. Martha E. Pollack of Cornell and Peter Salovey at Yale are both in on the action. Whoever completes their respective card first gets an all-new 2003 Kia Sorento. 


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Fiji Employing Ukrainian Troll Factory to Post on Greekrank

NEWS | Scott Newman Sunday, Oct. 13, 2019Sun, Oct 13, 2019

First hitting headlines after its involvement in the 2016 Presidential election, the paid Internet troll industry was in desperate need of customers in light of the scandal now centered around it. They reached out to a number of potential revenue sources including Latin American despots, the search engine Bing, and Yahoo News. 


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'I Already Finished the Essay' and 5 Other Ways to Be Fucking Annoying

NEWS | Scott Newman Thursday, Oct. 10, 2019Thu, Oct 10, 2019

Grumpier and somehow more entitled than before, students everywhere have had it up to here with this campus’ cutthroat culture (unless they’re the ones winning). Here are five things that might just make you act on those intrusive thoughts you get listening to someone talk about their completed assignment.






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New College House West to Be Built out of Cardboard

NEWS | Darrion Chen Wednesday, Oct. 9, 2019Wed, Oct 9, 2019

The new dorm building, which will be designed by famed 6-year-old architect Calvin and his associate Hobbes, will be built using materials supplied by Amazon@Penn. For instance, walls and structural elements will be constructed with cardboard and fastened with postage tape; recycling bins will be used as toilets. 



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OP-ED: Include Amy Gutmann’s House in the Second-Year Experience

OPINION | Seth Fein Tuesday, Oct. 8, 2019Tue, Oct 8, 2019

A select group of high-achieving, outgoing, white, male second years would be selected to board with Gutmann and her husband in their 13,975 square-foot house on Walnut. This would allow Gutmann to show solidarity with the sophomores, who must now overpay for a shared room with a hotel kitchenette.