Do you remember that time when we were with our friends walking on Locust and someone farted (not me) and you loudly exclaimed “chocolate’s getting cooked in the Hershey factory!!!” and everyone laughed. Shut up bro, they call me Hershey now. 

Rumors the girls were having a “coke” night had spread throughout the PC a few nights before; however, no one thought it could refer to something so sinister – even cocaine has zero calories.

Let the Punishment Fit the Crime. 

2gether 4ever muahmuah

COOPER DEJEAN. PICK SIX. TOUCHDOWN. Your erect penis has ripped a hole straight through the front of your jeans.

 ALERT! You're not being elusive!! He thinks you're really weird!!

The student was shocked but remained calm, knowing the roach was dangerous and not to be provoked.

If a tree falls in a forest and there is only a couple doing PDA present, will anyone ever hear the tree fall? 

The Castle has pledged to more closely vet its rushes to prevent this sort of error in the future. Certain disqualifying features include reciting the whole American national anthem, understanding how the NFL works, or not owning a trench coat. 

When reached for comment, a representative of The DP replied “申し訳ありませんが、英語は話せません。”

Even now, sitting across from each other at boozy brunch, we are searching our minds for an answer to how we ever thought of ourselves as queer.

After a surprising number of rush chairs and presidents took PHIL 1000, they realized that hazing is — at best — morally questionable and perhaps wrong.

Welcome to Rodin College House, where ambition meets concrete.

What is that peculiar scent? 

Silly me!

Vaping is bad for you.

Order comes amidst fears of coming closure.

Marketing professor Barbara Kahn put it plainly: "I don't know what the fuck they were thinking."

Just last week, light struck me. 

They told me that if I'm looking to sing Disney songs, then Penn Disney A Cappella isn't the place for me. Penn Disney A Cappella is the place for hardcore deviant sex.