Most Recent
Line Blurs Between Playing Hard to Get and Standing Alone in Apes Basement
ALERT! You're not being elusive!! He thinks you're really weird!!
After Eagles Super Bowl Win, CVS Replaces Entire Viagra Section With Framed Photos of Cooper Dejean
COOPER DEJEAN. PICK SIX. TOUCHDOWN. Your erect penis has ripped a hole straight through the front of your jeans.
Line Blurs Between Playing Hard to Get and Standing Alone in Apes Basement
ALERT! You're not being elusive!! He thinks you're really weird!!
Student Sitting on Toilet Endures Standoff With Cockroach
The student was shocked but remained calm, knowing the roach was dangerous and not to be provoked.
Couple Doing PDA in High Rise Elevator Sensually Caresses Me as Well
If a tree falls in a forest and there is only a couple doing PDA present, will anyone ever hear the tree fall?
Castle Mistakenly Bids Freshman from Paris, Texas
The Castle has pledged to more closely vet its rushes to prevent this sort of error in the future. Certain disqualifying features include reciting the whole American national anthem, understanding how the NFL works, or not owning a trench coat.
The Daily Pennsylvanian to be 100% Chinese by 2050
When reached for comment, a representative of The DP replied “申し訳ありませんが、英語は話せません。”
OP-ED: We Got Rejected From an LGBTQ+ Club, Now We’re Converting to Being a Straight Couple
Even now, sitting across from each other at boozy brunch, we are searching our minds for an answer to how we ever thought of ourselves as queer.
If Hazing Is Morally Wrong, How Do We Weed Out the Little Bitches?
After a surprising number of rush chairs and presidents took PHIL 1000, they realized that hazing is — at best — morally questionable and perhaps wrong.
Photo Essay: A Mouse’s Tour of the High Rises
Welcome to Rodin College House, where ambition meets concrete.
Op-Ed: You Smell Like a Huntsman GSR
What is that peculiar scent?
Quitting Nicotine Is So Easy! I’ve Already Done It Like 6 Times
Vaping is bad for you.
Breaking: Donald Trump (W '68) Stalls Saxby's Closing by 90 Days in Unprecedented Executive Order
Order comes amidst fears of coming closure.
BREAKING: Cork and Candles Shuts Down After Management Realizes What a Dumbass Idea It Was
Marketing professor Barbara Kahn put it plainly: "I don't know what the fuck they were thinking."
After Successful Diddy Indictment, FBI Begins Preparing Case Against Penn Disney Acapella
They told me that if I'm looking to sing Disney songs, then Penn Disney A Cappella isn't the place for me. Penn Disney A Cappella is the place for hardcore deviant sex.
Now You Must Choose Between the Overcoat and Carhartt
It's Time to Choose.
Jealous: Student Who Ran Half Marathon Can Eat Whatever They Want for Next Two Days
When polled, students reported being extremely jealous of the student's incredible accomplishment: not the fact that they ran a grueling 13.1 miles straight, but their newfound ability to eat a full pint of Ben & Jerry’s Tonight Dough guilt-free.
To Improve Mental Health, Penn to Hang Two More Icicle Lights This Year
This will give students a staggering thirty extra seconds of exposure to the finest mental health resource out there: artificial LED light.
Happy Homecoming!! My Red, White, and Blue Sweater from The Real Real is No Match for Yours
In girl world, Homecoming (and also the Fourth of July) is the one day a year when girls can wear red, white and blue and no other girls can say anything about it.
