Most Recent


Student MERTed From Pottruck After Too-Strenuous Walk Up to Second Floor

“Just walking through the gym doors has been a PR, so I’m satisfied,” he said, between puffs of oxygen.


'I Dabble in Photography' and Other Ways to Casually Imply That You Don't Spend Your Free Time Re-Watching Friends

“I’m in a secret club.” Damn straight, and the only members are you, Joey, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, Monica, and Ross. And occasionally Janice.


BREAKING: Daniel is Thinking of Starting a Streetwear Brand

Question is, did you fill out the Google Form asking you which shirt you’d buy?


Stain on Quad Floor Is Not the Usual Blood of the Innocent, Is Actually Vomit

The regularly scheduled demonic ritual was interrupted by a visibly inebriated freshman.


Freshman Shocked That Class Right Before Thanksgiving Isn’t Spent Making Hand Turkeys

Louisa Ferman (E ‘22, W ‘22) walked into OIDD 101 this Tuesday with her creative juices already flowing.


Amy Gutmann Reportedly Spending Up to 3 Hours Daily Practicing High Five

Gutmann will “take a sharpie, trace her hand shape onto a mirror, and just keep high fiving it until the glass breaks.” 


Knock Knock! It's Your Cool RA — Talk To Me About Your Sex Life!

 You can tell me anything. Specifically, you can tell me about all the sex you've been doing.


OP-ED: My Cocaine Use Doesn't Define Me, But My Pants With Vertical Stripes Do

It is easy to label me for my drug use. But what really sets me apart are my fun, rebellious pants. 


Poli Sci 001 Student Fucking Pumped to Scream Political Theory at Family During Thanksgiving

"Just wait until I bust out John Locke’s social contract theory after Uncle Jeffrey tries to argue about illegal immigration."


Help Wanted: Counterparts Desperately in Need of Instrument Manager

The urgent listing comes after the group was forced to sing on multiple occasions in performance without any additional musical instruments.


Passive Aggressive? Student Throws Away Roommate's Belongings as Part of Weekly Trash Run

Gentle pranks, kind-hearted jabs, and the occasional backstabbing is all considered par-for-the-course when it comes to living with a complete stranger.


Student Spends Night in Bathroom With Hands in Dyson Airblade©, Still Had to Wipe Hands on Jeans.

Around 10 p.m. last night, Jack went to the bathroom — the one that looks a little fancy from the outside but has the same stank as the bathrooms in Pottruck.


That Kid Who Always Leaves 20 Minutes into Lecture? Here’s Where He’s Going

A thorough investigation of Moore was recently conducted, following him on a few of his outings in order to finally discover his whereabouts.


Sophomore Girl Changes from Pajamas into Her 'Going Out' Sweatpants

Someone call Tim Gunn!


OP-ED: Wearing Allbirds Doesn’t Mean I’ll Work In Tech (But I Probably Will)

I’ll say it. Penn has a problem with stereotypes. 


OP-ED: Don’t Blame Me, Blame The System. I Will Eat My Kettle Chips in VP Basement Loudly and Proudly

Sweet, sweet Mark’s Café has its ups (Dibs) and downs (sandwiches, sushi, fruit, coffee), and kettle chips fall right in the middle.


OP-ED: Yea My Roommate's Here But Lets Just Have Sex Quietly

I was a little worried about doing this whole blind date thing but it really turned out great.


Freshman MERTed Out of Exam: 'That Had Me Fucked Up'

"After I read that problem about the Pigouvian tax, I knew I was done for."


Student Wakes From Nap In Refreshing State Of Delirium

Kylie Ortega was feeling drowsy as she headed home from class yesterday afternoon.


Dirty, Stained Plate Honestly Looks More Appetizing Than Anything at Commons ‘Comfort’ Station

The results are in! 10 out of 10 Penn students agree.


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