Under the Button is part of a student-run nonprofit.

Please support us by disabling your ad blocker on our site.

Most Recent


OP-ED: If Student-Athletes Are in Such Good Shape, Why Do They Need to Ride Scooters?

I don’t know much about Penn’s athletics, but I do know that student-athletes are not only students but also they’re athletes. This duality means that they do physical exercise on a regular basis in addition to studying. Logically, then, one might assume that student-athletes are in good shape.


Regrade Request: Here's Twenty Bucks ;)

How did that even get there? I don't have the slightest.


Is She Asking Me out or Just Trying to Convert Me to Christianity

The issue with coming from New Jersey is that I have no experience with Christianity. My high school was made up exclusively of Jews, atheists, and Jewish atheists.


Watch out Yale: Penn May Become Second Ivy to Have an Alum Impeached While President

Yale has always thought it was hot shit because Bill Clinton went to law school there and then got impeached. Although no other ivy has been able to claim that honor, that may soon be changing. Penn may become the second ivy to have an alum impeached while in office. Though Donald Trump hardly went to Penn, having been an incredibly low-performing transfer student, he is technically an alum.


Bobby's Burger Palace Closes After It Loses One of Its Three Customers

“Business was booming two months ago — we easily had three, four, hell sometimes even FIVE customers walk through our doors on any given day. We had big plans for the future, but ever since Jeff stopped coming by, well, we just don’t have the money to support the shop anymore.” 


OP-ED: Why I’m so Proud of Eric Tse and All of His Money

Imagine: One day Eric is posing with Lily Aldridge at a Bulgari party in Venice but is not a billionaire. The next moment, he is posing with Lily Aldridge at a Bulgari party in Venice and is a billionaire. It almost makes me tear up when I think about it.


PennInTouch? More like PennIsTouch

“It’s an acquired taste,” says Goff, “At first, I didn’t know how to appreciate PennInTouch. Now, it is my favorite beauty to look at.”


OP-ED: God Gave Cis Majors Self-Doubt Because He Doesn't Want Them to Break out of the Matrix

A recent study by the University of Pennsylvania found that 100% of CIS majors at Penn experience self-doubt, and some straight-up depression. But why? Could it be the crippling amount of work they are expected to complete every week? Perhaps it's the strictly-enforced private nature of their work that allows for no open collaboration with other CIS students who might otherwise ease their grief.


Why Are DP Sports Columnists Under the Impression I Care?

An entire section of this student-run newspaper was dedicated to sports!


My Dog Hates ISIS, but You Don’t See Him Bragging About It

Wilco had no comment. But I could tell he was proud to be an American.


DP Wins Pacemaker Despite Existence of Under the Button

The Daily Pennsylvanian recently received several college journalism accolades. These awards included the prestigious Pacemaker Award, commonly referred to as the “Pulitzer Prize of college journalism." While this achievement would be amazing on its own, it is especially so considering the existence of Under the Button.



OP-ED: You May Have a Cartier Bracelet and a Job Lined up at Goldman, but I Have Syphilis, so Who’s Laughing Now?

Poor baby, you don’t know anything about reality. You probably don’t even have lesions on your genitals. How are you going to work at a big, bad company like Goldman without a disfiguring STI?


Wharton Student Horrified by Immobile Staircase

“I just don’t get why stairs still exist. Like I get it for people who live in villages or farms or whatever, but for those of us who grew up in skyscrapers, which is obviously most of Penn, stairs are really challenging and, quite frankly, horrifying.” 


Louder Repetition of Joke Confirms Brad Not Funny

“Factor? I barely know her!” After receiving no audible response, he boldly tried again, this time louder for the whole class to hear.


OP-ED: I Don’t Use Handshake Because It Spreads Germs

Handshake calls itself “the largest career community for students and recent grads.” Well, do you know where diseases spread? That’s right — communities. And do you know how they spread? Physical touch.


Great White Shark Strikes Lauder House

"If someone wants to bring their dangerous animals, they should have every right.”


To My Writing Sem. Professor: So, You Didn't like My Fanfic?

Sure, I didn’t read Goffman’s The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life but I’m sure you didn’t either. Where was the romance? The suspense? 


'I Can't Get Sick, Not Now' Says Already Sick Guy

He never leaves home without a surgical mask and latex gloves. He washes his hands with Germ-X, and showers with a liberal amount of Purell. In the morning, he doesn’t feel alive until he gets his line of Emergen-C in. He truly is a bastion of health


Penn Student Does Not Want to Die Because That Would Decrease His Productivity

Johnson likes to do market research for startups in his free time. Outside of that, he attends BYOs for the 15 branches of SPEC of which he is a part.


PennConnects