Amy Gutmann Drops Lo-Fi Study Beats Playlist
“I know how stressful this time of year can be for students. Remember, I was a student myself! I had finals, too! I can relate. I’m a very relatable person,” she insists in the video's description.
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OP-ED: Derek, I Know You're Reading This. Call Me Back.
Of course I resorted to this. I have everyone at The Daily Pennsylvanian as we speak, and I don't plan to let them go anytime soon.
Amy Gutmann Drops Lo-Fi Study Beats Playlist
“I know how stressful this time of year can be for students. Remember, I was a student myself! I had finals, too! I can relate. I’m a very relatable person,” she insists in the video's description.
Religious Student Writes ‘God Doesn’t Want Us to Know’ for Every Question on Astronomy Final
In ASTR 001, the stakes are high. No one in the class has ever seen a number before, and suddenly a professor who was involved in a Nobel Prize-winning experiment is trying to convince hundreds of emotionally concussed students that gravity can bend space.
OP-ED: Derek, I Know You're Reading This. Call Me Back.
Of course I resorted to this. I have everyone at The Daily Pennsylvanian as we speak, and I don't plan to let them go anytime soon.
'I'm Done With Finals Already' Reports Annoying-Ass Bitch
He's actually not done with finals yet. He still has a final paper due on Friday.
Oh No: Grandma Wants to Know Why Your Phone Alarm Goes Off at 9 P.M. Every Night
There’s a couple of potential answers to her inquiries. You could definitely lie and say you usually take a power nap at 8:35 PM while studying for finals, and you just forgot to turn the alarm off.
Oh Fuck: Kitchen Steam Headed Straight for Fucking Smoke Detector Fuckfuckfuckfuck
Wait, hold up. No way. Are you fucking kidding me right now? Smoke? I just wanted to fry up a late-night dish, and this is what I get? Oh shit oh fuck that’s a lot of steam
Letter from the Editor: I'm Sorry I Can't Be Him
It’s come to my attention that I’ll never be an antique bison. Try as I might, I am only a twenty-fifth of it’s size, far less stately than I once had hoped.
OP-ED: Shut the Fuck Up
Listen, buddy, whatever you’re blabbering on about right now, I don’t want to hear about it. You could literally be telling me that the final for my Art History class has been canceled and I couldn't care less! You know why? Cuz you, and that mouth of yours, have been getting on my nerves lately.
While the World Is Literally Burning, Thank You NYT for the Five New Paella Recipes
Yeah yeah, Trump did call the Prime Minister of Italy ‘Giuseppe Spaghetti’ today, but I’m blissfully distracted by these delicious new paella recipes.
There’s No Need To Lock Up The Lab’s Drugs, Says Guy Who’s Definitely Not Stealing The Lab’s Drugs
Again, we should definitely keep the coke cabinet unlocked. It’s just logical.
CAS Student Who Says They're 'Transferring to Wharton' Currently Failing Econ
"Maybe I’ll just pay my way into Wharton like everyone else."
Three Things You Can Do Instead of Greek Life
You don’t need parties to have fun. For example, one great way to pass the time is to watch paint dry.
Junior Waits an Hour for P Sweater, Realizes She Only Knows Two Members of Her Class
Adam First
Monday, Dec. 9, 2019Mon, Dec 9, 2019
Lucky for everyone, two measly hours is more than enough time to find and categorize sweaters for over 2000 individuals.
OP-ED: Can We Fix Democracy Somewhere Besides Perry World House?
We can hardly fix these problems in the U.N., but for some reason, at 5 P.M. on Tuesday, I have to pack my stuff up so you can try to fix it in a literal house. It just seems personal.
OP-ED: Sorry I’m Late, but Hey I Brought a Small Sandwich Just for Me
Sorry to anyone who doesn't enjoy the smell of chipotle mayo.
Desire to Do Work Overpowered by 15th Sorting Algorithm Video of Night
“Merge sort is the most satisfying thing I’ve ever seen."
What a Dork! This Freshman’s Cover Photo Isn’t Even Promoting Anything
When I look at a stranger’s cover photo, I can tell if they have friends or not. If they’re promoting their club or frat’s latest event, it is clear that they have a social life and that they matter. However, if I see a photo of them with their friends, all I can think is “wow, what a loser.”
NCH West Planners Increase Noise Pollution, Successfully Drown out Noise Pollution Complaints
Situated at the corner of 40th and Walnut streets, construction on the record-breaking $163 million dorm hall began in December 2018, with the site facing Du Bois College House, Gregory College House, and Rodin College House.
New Record: 3 People at This Performing Arts Show Know None of the Performers
Collectively, this added up to over an hour and 30 minutes of non-affiliated viewing time. Although they were alumni who had been members of PennEMOTE when, in Voshkal's words, "it was actually good," the three audience members still met the criteria of not knowing any performer.
Resume Worthy! Sarah Used More Unique Words Last Week Than 99% of Grammarly Users
Said all other Penn students, “What the fuck is Grammarly?”
