Elon Musk Fails Design 101 Final
The Cyber Truck is so sleek and definitely does not look like a race car from a 1990's video game.
Most Recent
New Student-Run Diner to Open in Houston This Spring and Close Next Spring
Citing probable low student demand for food other than overpriced salads and generic Asian food bowls, PSA anticipates that this business venture will ultimately fail in about a year’s time.
Elon Musk Fails Design 101 Final
The Cyber Truck is so sleek and definitely does not look like a race car from a 1990's video game.
Penn Student Body Wins 'Best Professor' Award
Penn is known for being a vibrant and rigorous academic atmosphere, with top tier researchers and the best student self-teachers in the world.
New Student-Run Diner to Open in Houston This Spring and Close Next Spring
Citing probable low student demand for food other than overpriced salads and generic Asian food bowls, PSA anticipates that this business venture will ultimately fail in about a year’s time.
Going Abroad Party So Indulgent Student Not Allowed to Return
One Penn student is already regretting the enormous party he’s throwing for himself. Evan Du (W ‘21) invited every single person he’s ever spoken with to his “I’m going to England” party, before realizing he would never be allowed back to Penn.
22-Year-Old Becca Proudly Adding McKinsey’s 'Concentration Camp Team' to LinkedIn
With her quick little update, she’d shown all of the finance bros in her senior year classes who really was the best and brightest — by working to starve migrant children.
Just Because Your Dick Itches Doesn't Mean You Can Adjust in Lecture, Jeremy
It’s just that when you’re tugging at your meat clappers right in front of me, I can’t help but feel 1) slightly uncomfortable and 2) slightly disgusted. And Lord knows, I am not the only one in that lecture who has noticed.
OP-ED: If You Have Your ExtraCare Card, Please Scan It Now
Swipe or insert card and follow instructions on pinpad.
New Accounting Professor Kind of Weird
Don’t get me wrong, he’s great at accounting. Or counting, at least.
OP-ED: Forget Princeton, Gimme a Duck Fartmouth Shirt
Why was our rival selected without the letter swapping motif in mind in the first place?
BREAKING: To Enter the Kelly Writers House You Must Have Clit Piercing
As more students begin taking advantage of Amazon’s ability to self publish and start wearing turtleneck sweaters to combat the cold, it has been difficult for the writer’s house to distinguish who belongs and who doesn’t in the winter months.
Meet the Under the Button Writer Born in Late 2013
Sydney Gelman sits on a mint green loveseat in her above-ground bunker apartment. Sipping on a Diet Coke, she looks around the apartment with disdain and calls it a “windowless asylum.” Gelman, a writer for Under the Button dot com, has the dubious distinction of being the youngest on staff.
Penn Panhellenic Reveals That Dining Hall Food Has Been Hazing This Whole Time
Students forced to pay for expensive dining plans with poor food options and remarkably limited hours have been subjected to this hazing for many years without anyone considering the possibility that it’s been a hazing conspiracy this entire time.
Heartwarming: Professor Enforces Diversity by Mispronouncing Everyone's Names
He pointed out a girl called Elizabeth Meaner and promptly called her “Eliagsdyhjfdhjf Mafgsdhjgdfkfd.”
Wacky! This Junior Wore an Alumni Scarf During Homecoming
He hasn’t even graduated yet and he’s wearing an *alumni* scarf. Even professional comedians can’t come up with this kind of stuff.
Penn Bookstore Deal! Pack of American Spirits to Be Given with Each Purchase of Art History Textbook
No longer will these “super-broke-but-can-still-afford-dresses-from-Reformation” creative types have to dole out almost 13 dollars at Avril 50 to maintain that sweet nic fix.
OP-ED: Hey, Can You Crack My Back?
ow we can get back to the marketing project. Except, I have knots. Horrible, horrible knots. Honestly, they’re the worst knots I’ve ever had, and I bet you’ve never seen knots worse than mine. If you could just take your elbow and jam it into my shoulder, I’d owe you big time.
Here’s the Secret-Menu Class That Counts for Every Requirement BAbeyyyyyy
Hey funky ladies. You thought classes could only double count? Nah-uh, sweet face. That’s what they want you to think. Here’s the one class that quattuordecuple counts for all 14 of those foundational requirements and sector requirements.
Following Big Donation, Penn to Rename Philosophy, Politics, and Economics Major to Politics, Philosophy, and Economics
After a recent multi-million dollar donation by James Politics, PPE is getting a major name change. After years of placing philosophy first in its three-pronged list, PPE is relegating it to the second P slot.
Myth or Fact: White People Wear Shoes in Bed
What sociopath would willingly bring their dirtiest piece of clothing into the sanctity of their white sheets?
New College House West Construction Heats Up: Building Starts to Blush
New College House West construction is starting to really pick up steam, with all of the equipment beginning to fire on all cylinders.
