“We’ve got essays coming in with that phrase written over and over again, sometimes overlapping on top of each other, sometimes with all the letters scrambled up and strung haphazardly across the page,” English professor Kent Poulin said with a bewildered look. “Wait a minute, since when do you guys use typewriters?”
Since this person’s RSVP, the fraternity that is throwing the downtown as well as the mass that will be in attendance have been awaiting the final decision as to whether he will deign to grace the venue in bated breath.
“We’ve got essays coming in with that phrase written over and over again, sometimes overlapping on top of each other, sometimes with all the letters scrambled up and strung haphazardly across the page,” English professor Kent Poulin said with a bewildered look. “Wait a minute, since when do you guys use typewriters?”
The discovery originated after multiple students reported receiving emails from an address claiming to be ‘Penn Athletics’. These emails offered all kinds of prizes to incentivize students to attend a supposed football game at a suspicious location referred to as ‘Franklin Field’.
Since this person’s RSVP, the fraternity that is throwing the downtown as well as the mass that will be in attendance have been awaiting the final decision as to whether he will deign to grace the venue in bated breath.
Like, you guys can see this stuff, like what I’m writing right now? Hm? My articles have been publicly viewable this whole time? Oh… that explains a lot.
“At first, I was panicking because I thought I had missed anthropology recitation,” Wright related, rubbing his eyes. “But then I saw the remnants of existence decaying around me, and I knew that I had bigger problems to deal with.”
Students will continue to carry all of their shit from table to table on the first floor of Van Pelt, in search of one of the elusive outlets that work 24/7.
Just because people feel like they need an "equal opportunity for education" doesn’t mean we can provide it.
Listen: no matter how many interesting club flyers with compelling graphics and acerbic, forward-thinking puns you hand me, you will never convince me to take your filthy water bottles.
1 onion (medium finely diced) 2 cloves garlic (large chopped) ¾ cup dry white wine 6 ferrets she lost in the apartment 3 pubes left on the toilet seat 1 lost safety deposit after she tripped down the stairs and banged her head into the wall and then denied it even though I took a video and sent her the video and sent the landlord the video ½ pound ground beef
After first setting eyes on Amy Gutmann, any Penn student will ask themselves the same question -- how the fuck does her skin look so fucking soft and she’s literally 70 fucking years old?! The answer might surprise you.
In retrospect, it was obvious from the name that something bad was bound to happen.
Michael then proceeded to tell the same aggressively mundane story to every other club member after coming to the false conclusion that he’d struck an anecdotal gold mine.
"By making students feel better without their knowledge, we eliminate the middleman of ‘therapy’, and our job is done."
The comment said, “Photo credits to me." Naturally, the person who wrote this comment and your crush have been engaging in decadent sexual entanglements.
According to the long-forgotten policy, any student has the option to challenge their professor to a duel to dispute an exam grade. Amazingly, students are even able to rent out pistols for the duel from Van Pelt.
One time, I saw a baby with an iPad. I cried and threw up for three days.
This rebellion was a long instigated effort by both Panhellenic and University students to put an end to these horrible, white-girl anthem monstrosities.
After entering Spirit Halloween, Gutmann was quoted as asking store manager Joseph Kelly for the most appropriate traditional Lederhosen attire that would make her look “professional and honorable, but with an ass that just don’t quit."
How to make dirty money FAST.
What? She doesn't like it when you ignore her? Oh, poor girl :( BOO HOO :(
Solutions by The State News
