"Look, this semester is challenging us all in really unique ways, and it's certainly not going to be normal by any standards. Adjustments will have to be made," he says, handing out his unchanged syllabus.
"Wait, is that James from econ? He may be coughing and feel a bit hot but it must be from how sick and wild his night has already been." Frat doormen have an uncanny ability to diagnose COVID right on the spot and turn away those who they deem dangerous.
"Look, this semester is challenging us all in really unique ways, and it's certainly not going to be normal by any standards. Adjustments will have to be made," he says, handing out his unchanged syllabus.
“I’m so glad Penn gave us some time to just relax and get some stuff for the year that will prepare us,” as she took a bite from her green apple flavored gelatin snack.
"Wait, is that James from econ? He may be coughing and feel a bit hot but it must be from how sick and wild his night has already been." Frat doormen have an uncanny ability to diagnose COVID right on the spot and turn away those who they deem dangerous.
All of those majestic, flowing, glistening green stripes. What ever could it mean? I haven’t the slightest. They say to truly understand big data, you have to listen to at least fifty hours of Kraftwerk. Hey, don’t look at me. I don’t make the rules here.
“What's great about the set-up is that instead of sitting in lecture for 4 or 5 hours a day, I only need to sit in lecture for 1 hour."
"People have been telling me 'wear a mask," and 'social distance' for months but I never really understood what that meant. I'm so used to being able to do whatever I want that I felt that those measures were oppressive and didn't apply to me."
On the bright side, students are fed three meals a day from Penn Commons, which thankfully did not have to downgrade their food for the prison environment.
“So I was showering last week, and suddenly the water went cold and the pipes in the wall started shaking and gurgling,” Rochester excitedly told UTB. “If I close my eyes, it’s like I’m really in a shared bathroom in KCECH! So cool.”
No, Dan, I do not want to come to your hot tub party with Kayla and Karen, I don’t care how much Corona beer you have.
If they tell you to get naked on camera, tell them you live in a multigenerational home and that your grandma is in the room.
“We hear you. We understand you. We stand by you. If you can’t live at home during the fall semester, why live at all?”
“We felt like these were very complicated times, so to help put students at ease, we’ve decided to simplify the stored belongings process.”
Some may say that an SAT tutoring company is not a startup, but a group-of-students-that-made-an-account-with-Squarespace doesn't have the same ring to it.
"I keep a countdown of days until Labor Day like most people keep countdowns until Christmas," Jeremy explained. "One pesky little virus isn't going to stop me from enjoying the holiday I love."
“You mean to tell me that her eager, cheerful, and studious demeanor was nothing more than a facade to obscure the odious and slothful beast lying within?” Amy Knox (C ‘23) asked in disbelief. “But she always volunteers first whenever the professor asks a question!”
So what if I’m stuck at home with overbearing parents, shitty wifi, and the inability to go beyond my backyard?
Steffey, a former Rodin resident who feels more at home with empty calories in one hand and a canister of high-fructose corn syrup in the other, has struggled to stomach his new meal plan.
Costello did not respond to a request from Under the Button for comment. Those close to Costello say she wasn't surprised by the news and, felt that something like this was coming.
After months of practice and training, College junior Damian Trout set the world record for “Most Cans of La Croix consumed in a day” at 241 cans.
As the only brother with access to weights, Jacob was now a god among now-emaciated men.
Solutions by The State News
