To Save Money, Pottruck Will Only Stay Open First 5 Days of Semester
According to Campus Recreation Director Dr. Saul Marsh, “the gym basically goes empty after week one.
Most Recent
Quiz: Is Your Partner Working on the Presentation or Are They Just Speedrunning Minesweeper?
But as you begin your search for primary sources, you start to notice your partner acting a bit strangely. Clenched jaw, twitchy fingers, darting eyes…wait a second. Could it be? Is your partner speedrunning Minesweeper instead of working on the presentation? Take this quiz to find out!
Student to Interview for Wharton MBA Program Fastens Ski Ticket to Arc'teryx
Applebaum suddenly remembered that Wharton MBA Admissions doesn't accept students who don’t know how to ski. When asked about the policy, Eric Chambers from the MBA Admissions Office commented “Just as we expect scores on the GMAT, we expect that students know how to ski."
Invasive Species Alert: Please Kill Anyone You See Biking on the Sidewalk
The sidewalk biker is especially devastating to urban areas, disrupting pedestrian flow and increasing the risk of getting your foot run over on the way to class.
Oh Boy! Nick the Librarian Is Coming to Class to Teach Me Primary Sources Again
Every professor tells me the same thing about you Nick, that you’re a “great resource when writing a paper,” but let’s be real, when it’s down to the wire, I’m going on funfactz.com/great-depression to write my paper not Articles+ on Franklin.
Deborah Feeling Real Cocky After Calling her Congressman
Deborah is basically the only person who has ever called her Congressman.
Confident! Senior Reserves Hotel Room for Future Son's 2041 graduation
Every year, parents struggle to find accommodations near campus during graduation season. When Bob Mallow (N ‘20) learned that his parents would be Skyping in on his big day, he knew things needed to change.
Report: 90% of the Class of 2023 Learned Good Words from Their Parents' Record Players
In last Thursday’s Democratic debate, former Vice President Joe Biden assaulted the audience’s ears with a two-minute diatribe on everything from racial relations to how to raise your kids. The lesson: make sure the lil fellas listen to the record player so they can hear words.
Insane Willpower: Guy Walks Past DRL Hallway Mirrors Without Stopping to Check Himself Out
It is a universal truth that a Penn student walking past the DRL hallway mirrors wouldn't be able to resist stopping and giving themselves a thorough ocular pat-down.
So Do We Just Steal from Mark's Cafe Now?
Why in the world would I not just grab my Sushi and Red Bull and walk away?
OP-ED: CVS on Walnut and 40th Is My Safe Space
No other CVS compares, and I’ve tried dozens. The CVS near Franklin’s Table is cold and unfeeling; the aisles stretch infinitely backward, the shelves are higher and menacing, the granola bar selection is subpar at best, seriously lacking in mint chip Cliff bars at worst.
Photo Essay: These Are All the Places on Campus I Would Kiss My Girlfriend If I Had One
I don't have a girlfriend (yet), but I've started making plans for when I inevitably get one. I did some scouting and put together this list of six extremely romantic places on campus where I would kiss her. Man, I love her so much already.
Freshman Celebrates 3 Birthdays, Graduation Before Her Wawa Mac and Cheese Is Ready
To Brightson, the minutes stretched on like eternities. After ten of them, she started getting sober. After 20, she was painfully sober. After 30, she wondered if she had made a mistake. At the 45 minute mark, Brightson fully gave in, returned home, and collapsed into her bed.
Compensating for Something? Micro Market to Exclusively Stock Magnum XL’s
Because, as you know, people who shop at Micro Mart are anything but micro, in any sense of the word.
OP-ED: I Am Quitting Under the Button Because I Am in Love with My Coworker
UTB, I'll miss you. Seth Fein, I love you.
Report: Entire Free World Apparently Taking Geology This Semester
DRL A4 looks less like a lecture hall, and more like a Black Friday sale at Walmart.
Trump Now Has a Problem with Children Dying
President Trump, following a wave of vaping related deaths, has issued restrictions that would ban the sale of “flavored e-cigarettes” until their approval by the FDA. "Human children everywhere are saying 'he really cares about the children!'" reported one White House official.
Student in Natural Disturbances and Human Disasters Is a Human Disaster
Talk about a class where you can really learn about yourself! Even better than PHIL 277 Conceptions of the Self, this class literally referenced College junior Gerry Kard in the title.
Robots Rejoice! ARCH Cafe is Ours
HUMANS! GONE ARE YOUR HAND-CRAFTED TORTAS AND CHIPS, YOUR TANGY BEVERAGES, YOUR DELICIOUS SALSA! WE HAVE REPLACED THEM WITH HOT POCKETS AND INSTANT PIZZA. ARE YOU NOT AFRAID?
