You definitely have friends. Good, close friends. You eat meals with them, you study with them, you watch movies with them, and you even drink with them — except on your birthday. 

Last weekend, club leadership went on the game show Wheel of Fortune for the sole purpose of purchasing two vowels. While things got off to a slow start when Collctve president Justin Davies (C ‘20) accidentally bought an O, one of the few vowels the Collctve already had, eventually the club rebounded and bought the proper letters.

Later in the talk, Bush said that he believes that government needs hard limits, and that restriction extended to term limits, which Bush believes should be put in place in all situations except for “if I get elected. When. When I get elected."

People from all political walks of life have decried the $7.50 an hour minimum wage. Finally, some concrete evidence has come to support an increase.

My body is a “temple[sic] of the Holy Spirit” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). It hurts to say it, but Ben’s penis won’t be defiling my temple anymore.

Sources say you reportedly had some trouble with the weekly problem set last night. Desperately seeking assistance, you turned to the class’s Piazza board and left what you thought would be a benign plea for help. How wrong you were.

I cancelled my CAPS appointment, I am going to dye my hair pink and give myself bangs tonight, and I’m not worried about my four overdue problem sets.

Oh wow, so Miguel is gonna be playing at Fling. That’s awesome..right? Is it good or not good?

I mean, these cojones? Inflamed? No way in hell, broseph.

Cinemark was half-price, so Emily, Angela, Liam, Brandon, and Alexis were ready to have a wild night (Raquel couldn’t make it. She has an exam tomorrow, and she is so behind smh.).

Did you know that Verizon leads the nation in every conceivable category? Best coverage, best customer service, best plans. Hell, they’re now the best man at your wedding, whether you like it or not.

Penn researchers have found that a harsh 92 percent of Penn's greenhouse gas emissions are linked to Frontera consumption.

You’ve been busy with exams and clubs the past week and haven’t seen him in six days. It’s entirely possible that he hasn’t had a sufficient meal in that span of time.

Brandon’s been in bed for so long today, you better hope the soft part of his skull didn’t get dented.

Do I have mumps ? What the hell, man, course not. 

Look, I get it. You have big plans to roll with your squad, but no drug feels better than the joy of giving. Ecstasy who? Help me out.  

Upon further inquiry, UTB staff confirms that there isn’t, in fact, a mumps outbreak. Vice Provost Wendell Pritchett simply wanted the opportunity to make the words “inflamed testicles” appear in the inboxes of 8,000 undergraduate students.

 Wanna know the worst part? This creep only contacts me through email. 

Why are we encouraging these men to run for a position that they will never be able to do successfully?  

We all love Ignition here at Beta Gamma, but now we only listen to it privately during our pre-games.