OP-ED: I Got into Penn Once, and I’m Pretty Sure I Could Do It Again (If I Applied Early)
I said I spent 15 hours a week on math team, and I didn’t even go to meetings because they were in the morning.
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Fraternity Plans Spring Break Trip to Southeast Asia to ‘Find Themselves’
Maybe one of them will even take a yoga class while immersing himself in the wonders of Southeast Asia.
OP-ED: I Got into Penn Once, and I’m Pretty Sure I Could Do It Again (If I Applied Early)
I said I spent 15 hours a week on math team, and I didn’t even go to meetings because they were in the morning.
Professor with Stand up Comedy Ambitions Tests Material on Captive Class
Much of his material is based on class topics, which is hard for an audience that hasn’t done the reading since syllabus week. The rest mostly revolves around his children, married life, a little bit of politics, and nineteenth century ventriloquism.
Fraternity Plans Spring Break Trip to Southeast Asia to ‘Find Themselves’
Maybe one of them will even take a yoga class while immersing himself in the wonders of Southeast Asia.
Student Unsure of How Much Detail of Gastrointestinal Distress to Include in Extension Request
There's no way I'm gonna be able to get it done, considering I've been on the toilet for the past 13 hours.
Greasy Student on Outermost Seat Effectively Claims Entire Lecture Row as Territory
Although students without seats could bypass Wong by crawling over him and his luggage, his territory went unchallenged for the duration of the lecture due to his musky smell and greasy appearance.
Annenberg Running Club Catches Infamous Drug Lord in Serbia
"This is just what we do now. After catching that local criminal, we were ready to take on a larger challenge. And that’s exactly what we did.” Throughout our interview, Despereaux licked what appeared to be blood off of a large machete, which, according to the professor, “has severed its fair share of drug lord limbs.”
BREAKING: Sophomore Sells Hair on Dark Web to Afford Big/Little Week
Her pixie cut isn’t the identity crisis you think it is.
"Guess I Can't Intern at Amazon Now," Says Student with No Previous Chance of Interning at Amazon
As of last week, Amazon pulled out of their HQ2 plans for Queens, closing off anticipated job opportunities for many. So, basically, as of last week, senior Whartonite Jeremy Anders’ life was ruined.
Student Shocked to Find Annoying Kid Making Loud Comments in Lecture Recording Is Himself
Earlier that day, he sat down to speed watch his lecture for his exam only to find it loudly interrupted periodically by a side conversation of two boys in the back.
My God, How Did This Happen?! Says Senior After Seven Hours in CVS
“I came in here for a roll of toilet paper, but then I saw that face masks were on sale, and after that it’s a blur.”
“I Don’t Talk About My Pulitzer a Lot,” Says Professor 5 Minutes into First Class
Five minutes into the first class, he could already tell what was on students' minds — that they were in a class with a professor who won a Pulitzer back in ‘82.
OP-ED: Add the Quaker to Smash Bros, You Cowards
I know what you’re thinking: it’s going to be hard to keep the game balanced when adding such an immensely powerful character.
See Ya, Sean! Jenny Is Practicing Zero-Waste, and You Didn’t Make the Cut
Along with using lots of Tupperware, Jenny is extending this mindset to other aspects of her life.
Report: Gutmann and Biden Will Make Small Talk for an Hour on Stage, and You'll Love It
The conversation should last for around 15 or 20 minutes, depending how much mileage the two can squeeze out of their initial weather conversation.
Anime Club Member Deciding Which Body Pillow to Take to Date Night
"Hinata is so beautiful and we have great chemistry, but Sawako is such a good friend and so fun to dance with.”
5 Mixed Drinks That Scream, "I Won't Be Able to Get Hard Tonight"
You know one thing for sure: no matter what happens, you will not be getting hard tonight.
Health Goddess! Shhh! She Doesn't Inhale
"Since I don’t inhale, the more times I take a smoke break or short walk around the block, the more fit I’m getting."
OP-ED: Capital One Cafe Isn't like Other Cafes, It's Worse
It’s a microcosm of coffee and money. At this point, Penn should look into adding it to its real estate portfolio.
Quiz: Did a Frat Star Punch a Hole in Your Wall, or Was It a Tiny Mr. Kool Aid Man?
Here's the scenario: after throwing an absolutely bangin' mixer last night, you come downstairs to assess the carnage.
Mom, Can You Pick Me Up? There’s No Alcohol at This Party
I thought it was just going to be a fun relaxed night of binge drinking, but instead they found old video games in the basement, and now the night seems like it’s going to be really wholesome.
