They didn’t like you! None of them liked you!

Less is more.

Remember… you have to spend money to make money. 

Honestly, I'm feeling really optimistic about all this.

Disgusting.

"[She] blazed the trail for several thousand grants, fellowships, and exalted spiritual epiphanies."

i said i want to luk like liamishel and i want surgury liamishel has and nurs sed ok

It’s incredible how much mental and physical torture five men can inflict in just 18 months.

After we literally had sex with each other, Liz excitedly told me about the board’s plans for College Green. 

We are once again asking for your sometimes hilarious applications

It’s time to face the truth. There’s simply nothing as blissful as a Swedish woman dislocating your spine and rearranging your organs.

Thinking. Pondering. Wondering.

Ooh… egad… It smells a little un poco podrigo in Huntsman Hall now…

With this comes the death of media bias, we shall all revel in the age of true reporting and inclusion.

 I miss the days when I could get a $5 halal before going to class and licking all the tables, chairs, doorknobs, and power outlets.

The renewed controversy comes just days after Congressional Republicans accused Penn of offering Chinese language classes.

First hand, you and your classmates can examine each other’s… members!

His landlord gutted the thing and stapled bed sheets to the interior to give it a nice homey vibe.

"Carey, this shows me that you have more than enough self-confidence and are maybe even a little narcissistic!" - My Therapist