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Opinion


How to Avoid Your Childhood Trauma by Developing an Astrology Obsession Instead

While other religions or scientific paradigms are "legitimate" and have withstood the test of time, they are also patriarchal and may remind you of your childhood.


OP-ED: March Madness? I'm Not Even Done with Seasonal Depression!

Is this Big Pharma using its massive Popeye arms to wrestle the country into shelling out more money?


OP-ED: I’m Majoring in CIS Because I’m Genuinely Interested...in a Job?

It didn't have anything to do with the fact that I had a hard time finding an internship the summer before.


How to Feel Cool Even Though You Planned Your Own Birthday Pregame

You definitely have friends. Good, close friends. You eat meals with them, you study with them, you watch movies with them, and you even drink with them — except on your birthday. 


A Rap: Everyone Go Back to Your Rooms, I Hate Seeing You Outside

I enjoy how batshit scared all of you are of the cold — of a crispy, red leaf gently falling onto your Barbour coat. 


OP-ED: This Lent I'm Giving up Sex (Not Butt Stuff Tho lol)

My body is a “temple[sic] of the Holy Spirit” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). It hurts to say it, but Ben’s penis won’t be defiling my temple anymore.


OP-ED: I Totally Know Who Miguel Is, but I’m Asking to Make Sure You Know…

Oh wow, so Miguel is gonna be playing at Fling. That’s awesome..right? Is it good or not good?


OP-ED: I've Got Huge Balls, but Not Because I Have Mumps

I mean, these cojones? Inflamed? No way in hell, broseph.


Ladies: Does Your Man Have the Munchies or Has He Just Neglected to Feed Himself for a Week?

You’ve been busy with exams and clubs the past week and haven’t seen him in six days. It’s entirely possible that he hasn’t had a sufficient meal in that span of time.


Please Ignore My Swollen Lymph Nodes and Let Me Hit That Juul

Do I have mumps ? What the hell, man, course not. 


This Desperate Guy Keeps Asking Me to Meet Up, Claims He's My 'Advisor'

 Wanna know the worst part? This creep only contacts me through email. 


OP-ED: Stop Asking Token Male Candidates to Run for Office

Why are we encouraging these men to run for a position that they will never be able to do successfully?  


How to Walk down Locust so Everyone Knows You’re from New York

Ah, Locust Walk. The highway of University City. Traffic can be a nightmare, but luckily, you’re from the city that never sleeps. Here are some tips for making it to DRL in a breeze while never letting anyone near you forget your heritage.


Stand Down: Katie Brought a Banana Whip to Club Meeting and Has Something to Say

That's right, a full 15 minutes after the hour-long meeting began, Katie burst through the door apologizing for her tardiness. She didn't give an excuse, but her banana whip with chocolate chunks and cookie crumbles shows no signs of melting.


An Open Letter to the Person in the Stall Next to Me: Please Leave so I Can Shit, I Am Terrified

Don’t get me wrong. You seem super dope with your high-top converse and all, but this isn’t working out. 


OP-ED: Can We Do Your Place Tonight? I Have Crippling Depression so My Room Is Really Messy

haha i mean well yea my mental health isnt [100 emoji] at the moment u know


OP-ED: On St. Patrick's Day, Students from All Walks of Life Turned up to Support the Green New Deal

As I looked across campus, I couldn't miss the mass movement of students turning up in all shades of green, making their total commitment to a progressive Green New Deal heard loud and clear. 


OP-ED: I Swear It Was a Deviated Septum. Dr. Blum Doesn’t Even Do Cosmetic Procedures.

Dr. Blum is a real doctor, a surgeon. He doesn’t do cosmetic procedures.


OP-ED: I Want a Job Where I Can Give Back, Because I'm Not Qualified for All the Competitive Jobs

I’m simply not qualified to get any of the jobs where I can shit all over the poor and not even know I’m doing it.


POP-ED: Hey Champ, How’s College? Your Mom and I Are so Proud of You. Call Us Sometime

I know you were really stressed out about that calculus class when we last spoke a few months ago. I hope it’s going better! You are so smart.


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