OP-ED: Give Me a Wet, Sloppy European Kiss on the Cheek
Get it over with, wet and sloppy, just like I asked.
Opinion
Take Your Mind off of Academic Woes! Browse These Fall-Fun-Photos of Amy G’s Warm Toned Midcentury Princeton Home on Zillow
Everything about this house says: I was the longest serving president in Penn history.
OP-ED: Give Me a Wet, Sloppy European Kiss on the Cheek
Get it over with, wet and sloppy, just like I asked.
Your Decorations Are So Cute! And 7 Other Lies Guaranteed to Get You Friends in College
“You’re so good at Math 1400… I wish I could do derivatives like you.”
Take Your Mind off of Academic Woes! Browse These Fall-Fun-Photos of Amy G’s Warm Toned Midcentury Princeton Home on Zillow
Everything about this house says: I was the longest serving president in Penn history.
im so lonely im gonna mert myself
taketh me hence in an ambulance, a warmeth forehead’s kiss <3
OP-ED: I Am a True Artist Who Cannot “Come to Club Meeting” or “Buy Alc for Pregame”
Shall I let the image of me approaching imminent death hang above my head like the Sword of Damocles? My mortality alone is principle enough.
OP-ED: Wharton Alliance Should Allow LGBTQ+ Allies to Cissy That Walk!
Cishet men/women dating in a nebulous queer way shall immediately be VPs of the diversity and inclusion committee.
There Will Be Blood: My Hallmate Fucked My Mom
When I met him during move-in my heart skipped a beat. So did my mom's.
Woke Mob Hasn’t Cancelled David Bowie but Here Are the 10 Tweets I Will Fire Off if They Hypothetically Did
I am a top student at the University of Pennsylvania, not a prostitute.
Help! My Appearance Has Been Suffering, Please Send Me Thoughts About Me
Indeed, I have even attempted walking closely behind freshmen with hopes of corralling the trailings of their unregulated pheromones into my shell of a body.
OP-ED: I’m Smiling Due to My Joy!
A failed situationship did not derail my life for four months!
OP-ED: The People in the High Rise Across From You Have Much More Fun and Interesting Lives
If I lived in Rodin, all my dreams would come true.
DONT SKIP!!! READ THIS ARTICLE FOR 10 YEARS OF LUCK (SHARE 3 TIMES TO LOCK IN YOUR KARMA)
MANIFESTATION IS REAL IF YOU SKIP THIS ARTICLE YOU WILL HAVE BAD KARMA FOREVER!!!! AND A PIANO WILL DROP ON YOUR HEAD AT 11:11PM!!!!!!
UTB Investigates: How Does Dry Cleaning Work?
I know I’m terribly naive, but doesn’t cleaning need water?
OP-ED: How Can I Be One of the Boys While Still Asserting My Feminine, Delicate Figure?
I must conquer both my quirky, boyish, relatable self, and my petite, teeny-tiny, hourglass figure.
OP-ED: Twin-XL Beds Perpetuate Unhealthy Barbie-Like Beauty Standards
In fact, they are proud to accept fat people! Sorority bids are entirely based on controllable traits, such as wealth, clothes, and acne.
Suck It: The Two Genders Are Slay and Bruh
I am speaking my truth.
OP-ED: Why Don’t We Throw Parties During the Day? Dayparty? Drarty?
Why are we waging war on our circadian rhythm?
If I’m on the Listserv I Can Put It on My Resume, Right?
I look at my resume. Job experience: tennis teacher. Clubs and activities: under the button. Darn it, this won’t get me that internship at Goldman Sachs.
OP-ED: Maybe You’re The Problem
I slept in the Moelis Family Grand Reading Room, the ATO roof deck, under the button, and the Quad Catacombs.
OP-ED: If Em Dashes Are So Versatile, Then Why Can’t They Mend My Rapidly Deteriorating Relationship?
First, I began sneaking them into our texts. “Hey — can we talk tonight?” “Do you want to hang out — maybe next Friday?” “Wow, that GIF you sent of a guy slipping and falling head-first into a tub full of hot sauce was — frankly — pretty epic.”
