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Erm… What Are We Supposed to Do At This Cafe • Bar • Restaurant • General Store?

Some things are more beautiful when they are left as ideas.

Wharton Wellness to Enforce Chinese Water Torture for Students Caught Not Taking Advantage of Professional Wellness Circles

When Wharton Wellness’ paramilitary wing showed up to Gregory College House with a warrant, I knew that my luck had run out.

Finals Season Again! Here’s Why You Should Join Me In Self-Immolating Outside of Van Pelt:


Hey! Look at These Clocks. Add Them and Guess the Time!

Time is not linear. 

“Oi Mate, I’m Also From Manchester” Says Freshman Rushing Castle From Cleveland

When questioned for comment, the brothers only had good things to report about the now-international Trillo. “It’s just nice to be with some of your own,” responded a Castle brother from the Philadelphia Main Line. 

Hope Is Not Yet Lost: My Professor Tells Me I Definitely Haven’t Found My Genius Yet

It’s not in Philadelphia that I will write my magnum opus or cure my own common cold, but in a place unknown to man.

Food For Thought: Huntsman Kinda Looks like The Panopticon

From the GSRs, the Wharton students who book them can see every non-Wharton student, but these second-class citizens will never know whether or not they are being watched.

Editorial: I Love You. I'm Glad I Exist. Yes, I Will Go to Your Show.

Everything will have been nothing when it is all over. You must do to be. Yes, I will go to Penn Chinese Theatre's fall show.

Classic! Delusional Dumb Friend Makes Eye Contact With Crush, Now It's Everyones Problem

“OMG bitch, he’s so into you!” I reply. 

Collapsing The Binary: HipCityVeg to Offer Vegan Escargot

Eat a burger, you sick fuck.

What I’m Going to Do for Epilepsy Awareness Month

Epilepsy is no joke 

Report: All of Human History to Be Measured by Having Text From Situationship vs. Not Having Text From Situationship

Why is it that when you kiss him you can forget your name?

GBM GONE WRONG: Club President Dropping Bag of SHS Condoms on Table, “No One Leaves Until These Are Finished!”

Clearly, this is a call to action. The entire club turned and looked at one another. We knew what must happen.

Fuck Yes! Teresa Caputo Appointed Chair of Penn Religious Studies

We return to fantasy not to forget, but to remember: other futures are possible. 

Phi Delt Farm, Hall Vineyard, APES Iceland, ZBT The Moon: WHEN WILL IT END?

Please stop this madness.

Bless Up! After Googling a Word I Realized That I Did, in Fact, Use It Correctly

Malaise is the Pantone color of the year. Use that in a sentence today.

Wake Up, SHEEP: Why Do None of You Bitches Know What a Persimmon Is?

"Persnimmon?” What the fuck?