Under the Button is part of a student-run nonprofit.

Please support us by disabling your ad blocker on our site.

Most Recent


Look Out! Lanky Guy Desperate to Sit Next to Friend in Lecture

“Oops, sorry about that,” Lowell said as his gangly, spider-like appendages knocked yet another MacBook onto the dusty auditorium carpet. Unfortunately, no amount of wincing or uncomfortable squeezing could halt Lowell’s pursuit of his classroom confidante. 


Oil Deposit Discovered Under Hill, Freshman Housing to Move to DRL

“We have set up curtains and cardboard mattresses in the lecture halls and classrooms in DRL,” said Penn Facilities in a statement released to the student body, “Classes will continue to be held in DRL. Just step over the sleeping students.”


Exam Fail! This Student Accidentally Wrote 'Michael Fassbender' Instead of His Own Name

Your name’s not Michael Fassbender, dummy! Your name’s Eric!


God Does Exist, And He’s Watching Us From Last Word Bookshop

God exists. I’ve seen him. He’s always there, in the bookshop, tip-tapping away at his little computer. The image of sage wisdom and omniscient knowledge. Peering over his glasses, looking down at his desk just as he peers down at the rest of us. What’s he doing in there, at all hours of the night? What a vigilant soldier he is, guarding his little bookstore. 


Group Meeting in Shambles After David Leaves for the Weekend

Attempts to reschedule the meeting have not proceeded smoothly. Lin has an exam on Wednesday, so she can’t spare any time before then for some reason, and reports that the other group member can’t meet anytime other than 1:30-2:00 A.M. on February 3rd, 2020.


Student Introduces New Apex Predator to Beat Roach Infestation, Now Plagued by Hyena Infestation

Henderson did not realize it at the time, but he was creating a diverse ecosystem in his apartment — one that was becoming increasingly unstable.


OP-ED: The Adults in this Class Should Have to Take the Midterm too

Why should Harold, who yes may have retired from a full-time job and just wants to learn art history for fun, be deprived of that stress formed community as well?


A Penn Freshman's Guide to Using LinkedIn

Recent studies have shown that you should not use LinkedIn. Other studies have shown that LinkedIn is good to use; this, however, is not the case.


OP-ED: At This Point I Would Change My Name to Carey Law School For, Like, $5

If I was in Penn Law's shoes, I totally would have changed my name for that much money. You kidding? Jesus Christ, dude. You know how many fucking textbooks I could buy with that money?


'My Time at Penn Was Transformative,' Says Alumnus Who Acquired a Cocaine Problem While Here

From Wall Street to the Upper East Side and to the black Escalade which shuttled them to and fro, Ivy-League graduates from a time before the present returned to their alma mater.


UPenn Mad Libs

Take a stab at this Penn-themed fill-in-the-blank activity!


It's Equality: My Girl Calls Me Daddy, But I Call Her Mommy

I know what the rest of you patriarchal trash are thinking right now — the word “mommy” has no place in the bedroom. You could not be further from the truth. “Daddy” has become a mainstay of a typical American sex life for a reason.


12 Ways to Keep Your Testes Warm

With the weather getting colder and colder, it is essential to keep your extremities warm, especially those that can pass your genes.


Study Shows Drunk Girls Complimenting You More Effective Than Penn’s Mental Health Efforts

Despite the various attempts by the Penn administration to improve the mental health services they provide, many students have found the availability and breadth of resources to be unsatisfactory.


OP-ED: Now That It’s Cold Out, I Can Wear Multiple Sweaters to Hide the Fact That I Am Several Ferrets and Canned Vegetables Stacked on Top of Each Other

The strangeness of my body type (mostly a mass of tangled, wriggling ferrets and canned corn) is most conducive to sweater weather. Then, my body appears normal, at least when I am artfully arranged on a large leather armchair. 


Quiz: Pothole on Spruce or Meteor Crater?

Is this just a classic case of the freeze-and-thaw cycle on our paved streets or is it Korolev, the famous ice-filled impact crater that's located within the Mare Boreum section of Mars and is a whopping 81.4 kilometers in diameter?


OP-ED: Oh, You’re in a Comedy Group! Boy Do I Have Some Ideas for You!

You know what’s also really funny sometimes? Penn jokes! Like about how Wharton students and how they love finance lol. That’s good comedy. Why do they love finance so much?


All of the Places on Campus You Can Get a Milkshake in Secret

The recent closure of Bobby’s Burger Palace has left many students perplexed with a complex issue. Where can they go to drown their weekly sorrows in large, chilled, probably overpriced milkshakes? Students of the “Penn Students Who Love or Appreciate Milkshakes and Other Ice Cream Based Beverages Social Group,” otherwise known as PSWLOAMAOICBBSG for short, no longer feel that their passion can be shared in the open anymore.


Democratic Presidential Candidate Who Is Not Elizabeth Warren to Visit Campus as If I Care

The other candidate is a less white man. He has done some things in other countries. He might have fought in a war, but he may also have just taken pictures with children from abroad. I haven’t taken the time to figure out the details. Please don't ask me more questions, I don't feel like talking about this candidate anymore. 


TA Not Paid Enough to Have Entire Baseball Team in One Recitation

While your TA Greg is paid enough to sustain his body during this hour, he is not paid enough to sustain his soul. 


PennConnects