Under the Button is part of a student-run nonprofit.

Please support us by disabling your ad blocker on our site.

Most Recent


Here Are 4 Flouncy Skirts for You to Black out in This Fling

Anyone who’s anyone knows that the most important part of Spring Fling is the fit you sport from darty to darty throughout the weekend.


OP-ED: Van Pelt Should Be Replaced with a 24-Hour Diner

Until College Green smells like syrup at all hours of the day, this university is not living up to its full potential.


Choose Your Own Adventure: Will Brad Fuck Your Girlfriend at Fling?

You and Jessica have been going strong for nine months now, but these past couple of weeks you’ve noticed that the two of you have grown more and more distant. You have no idea why, but there’s this guy Brad in her OIDD class that she’s always getting food with now. 


OP-ED: Let the Organ Music on Locust Headline Fling

It seems that when it comes to the main Fling event, Penn has been scraping the bottom of the barrel for some time now. What the concert needs is a fresh new update – a headliner that will make the Penn student body proud to whip out their lighters and sway to the music in the cool spring breeze.


My Parents Wouldn't Pay for My Tuition to a State School, but I Found My Home at Beta

That's when I stumbled into a "State Day" themed party at Beta: I had finally found my people.


Inventive! Engineer Tries to 3D Print a Personality

This wasn't the first time Crews has attempted to feign likability. Last semester, he tried picking up skateboarding and the guitar, but unfortunately that only further destroyed his social standing, and let’s not get into the time he taught himself to do over 50 fidget spinner tricks.


Yo, Can You Venmo Me 60 Cents for the Condom I Used Last Night?

Like, we could have just relied on those birth control pills I'm pretty sure you're on.


Unused Yoga Mat Has Now Been Sitting in Woman’s Apartment for 2 Years

Coated in a substantial layer of dust, the Lululemon yoga mat she bought sophomore year rests desolately in the corner of her bedroom closet. It has remained untouched for the past two years — she last attempted to use it at home in November 2016, guided by a soothing Youtube instructional video on her 13” Macbook Air.


Quiz: Does Your Man Have a Future, or Is He Going to Die Tomorrow?

With graduation and the need for finding gainful employment looming over your head for four years, many begin to wonder: does my man have a future?


If You Wanna Be My Lover, Please Have the Summer Application on My Desk by May 1st

I told a bunch of freshman about it, and if they said no thanks, I just told them, “Oh no worries! Lot’s of people wait for their sophomore year to apply. It’s really no rush!”


All Penn Landscaping Decisions Reduced to What Flowers Will Bloom for Quaker Days

The most popular species thus far have been the Growius Fastia, the Comehere Pleas, and the Weare Better Thanyale.


I’m a Penn Athlete and I Will Accept Payment in Cash Venmo or Bitcoin Thank U

If Venmo doesn’t work for you, I can accept payment in many different forms.


Here Are 5 Puddles You Can Splash Around in Instead of Paying for Pool Party This Fling

Whether you are among the many that couldn’t snatch a ticket or you came to the brave and shocking conclusion that $70 was simply too much to pay to for a pool party without swimming, we have the solution for you.


Girl in Front of You in Class Actually Doing Work so Things Are Probably over with Ben from ZBT

Though Curtain is done squandering her class time on texting Ben from ZBT, she still has not dipped her toes into scholarship on immigration and refugees. She is off to a solid start, though, and is taking baby steps toward her final goal.


Fatality: Five Dollar Spotify Premium Fee Delivers Final Blow to Student's Bank Account

“Spotify taught me the meaning of pain, both physically and financially,” Lucero sighed, his wallet lighter than the AirPods in his ears. “I’m gonna be eating Locust Walk shrubs for days.”


OP-ED: I Spend so Long in the DRL Bathroom and Not Because I’m Getting Head, I Have Hemorrhoids

I want to issue a formal apology to anyone came at the same time as a crescendo of farts escaped my rectum.


Watch Out! That Kid Who Scooters to Class Just Got Nunchucks

While he doesn’t plan on using them to hurt anyone, he does plan on practicing with them every 12 to 3 o’clock on College Green.


Pennsylvania Lawmakers Propose Ban on Single Use Fling Tanks

Why do you want to waste your money on a tank top with a Penn club pun that has a slightly inappropriate twist to it?


Magic Gardens Tickets Never Existed, Just Construct Teaching Privileged Feeling of 'Wanting and Not Receiving'

This past Sunday, researches in Penn’s department of sociology announced that Castle’s Magic Gardens event would not be coming back, and, no, it wasn’t canceled. In a press conference to the University, Dr. Tanvi Kapoor revealed that her team in Penn’s sociology department was behind this round of tickets, not the fraternity.


Big Woof! The Service Dog in Your Lecture Got a Higher Score Than You on the Midterm

Sure, we all know you're not supposed to compare yourself to others at such a competitive school, but what’s the fun in that? Here is a side by side comparison of you and the service dog from lecture.


PennConnects