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Formal Fail: Champagne and Shackled to a Radiator

Hughes Ransom and Joseph Elston
Wed, Jan 15, 2020

Worst blind date I've ever been on.

Huge L: Student Flubs Every Locust Interaction on Way to Class

Charlie Sosnick , Hughes Ransom , Grace Ginsburg , Christina Piasecki and Anab Aidid
Wed, Jan 15, 2020

Coffee Chat: Carson Kahoe on Why He's Breaking Up with His Girlfriend

Alessandro Consuelos , Lauren Sorantino and Hughes Ransom
Wed, Jan 15, 2020

UTB's resident bon-vivant Lauren Sorantino sat down with Carson Kahoe, the Director of Without a Net, for the third episode of UTB Coffee Chats, brought to you by Gia Pronto Kitchen.

UTB Cribs: Brad's Sexy Bachelor Pad on Locust

Hughes Ransom , Alden Hallak and Sydney Judge Wednesday, Jan. 15, 2020Wed, Jan 15, 2020

Yeah, uh, it's a tent.

Coffee Chat: Julia Bell on All the Things No One is Talking About

Alessandro Consuelos , Lauren Sorantino , Elizabeth Beugg , Hughes Ransom and Kelly Huang Wednesday, Jan. 15, 2020Wed, Jan 15, 2020

UTB Reporter Lauren Sorantino sat down with Julia Bell from Bloomers for yet another episode of UTB Coffee Chats, brought to you by Gia Pronto Kitchen.

Meet the Student Whose Power Never Turned Back On

Hughes Ransom Wednesday, Jan. 15, 2020Wed, Jan 15, 2020

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Backpack Full of Chili 3: Chili Full of Backpacks

Alessandro Consuelos Wednesday, Jan. 15, 2020Wed, Jan 15, 2020

A cinematic masterpiece from UTB.

‘Rush is Just About Personality Fit!’ Says Rich Hot Friend

NEWS | Caroline Curran Tuesday, Jan. 14, 2020Tue, Jan 14, 2020

Aimee Brooks (W ’23), a freshman who hails from Chelsea, Manhattan and identifies as “old money,” is under the impression that this system is ultimately fair and unbiased.

Ranking Women by Susan’s Personal Opinion is Actually Feminist, Assures Pan-Hellenic

NEWS | UTB Staff Tuesday, Jan. 14, 2020Tue, Jan 14, 2020

“Feminism is all about empowering Susan, as well as those that Susan deems worthy of empowerment,” said the head of Penn Pan-Hellenic. "I promise we haven't misunderstood the concept."

Professor Submits Final Grades Late, Now HE Loses Half a Letter Grade

NEWS | Adam First Friday, Jan. 10, 2020Fri, Jan 10, 2020

Well, well, well, would you look at that: it’s syllabus policy revenge time.

Guest Column by Nation’s Jewish Mothers | My Kid Should Be on SNL

OPINION | Seth Fein Monday, Dec. 23, 2019Mon, Dec 23, 2019

Last night at dinner, I was having my son Daniel reenact bits by my favorite stand-up comedians, and let me tell you: he was a riot. He performs them perfectly, just like Jerry Seinfeld. Daniel's grandmother and I could not stop laughing!

Confused Woman Wearing Christmas Ornaments on Neck / Public Domain

What’s at the Bottom of the Hill Dining Hall Peanut Butter?

NEWS | Darrion Chen Friday, Dec. 20, 2019Fri, Dec 20, 2019

But the time has come; the time for mankind to discover what lies at the bottom of the peanut butter tub.

OP-ED: Here’s Why I Need All 64 Outlets At This Airport Gate

OPINION | Becky Molinoff Thursday, Dec. 19, 2019Thu, Dec 19, 2019

Oh you want to know if I’ll give up any of the outlets I’m occupying? Well gosh, let me think about that. I certainly can’t unplug my space heater or my portable air conditioning, lest my body temperature stray from this equilibrium. I guess I could give up the plug for my massage chair, but it’s just not that comfortable when it’s just sitting in one place.

Sophomore Develops Nicotine Addiction in Preparation for Semester Abroad in Europe

NEWS | Danny Cooper Wednesday, Dec. 18, 2019Wed, Dec 18, 2019

There is nothing as handsome as a man with a cigarette. He might be showing early signs of lung cancer but he’s sure to have a hell of a time abroad.

Amy Gutmann Drops Lo-Fi Study Beats Playlist

NEWS | Arman Murphy Wednesday, Dec. 18, 2019Wed, Dec 18, 2019

“I know how stressful this time of year can be for students. Remember, I was a student myself! I had finals, too! I can relate. I’m a very relatable person,” she insists in the video's description.

Religious Student Writes ‘God Doesn’t Want Us to Know’ for Every Question on Astronomy Final

NEWS | Sydney Gelman Tuesday, Dec. 17, 2019Tue, Dec 17, 2019

In ASTR 001, the stakes are high. No one in the class has ever seen a number before, and suddenly a professor who was involved in a Nobel Prize-winning experiment is trying to convince hundreds of emotionally concussed students that gravity can bend space.