The girls have already formed close bonds and decided to create their own pseudo-sorority, titled in the typical Greek fashion: “Yo Gabba Gabba”.

Big-Little season brings hope for a prosperous future but it is all one great big lie and no one actually knows what’s going on.

Woah, slow down chief. Who does this guy think he is?!

Through petitions and the amazing work of attentive student government officers making real change, Natural Light was brought to the shelves of Penn's finest dining establishments.  

Penn Engineers are having more sex than everyone. 

Soupe du jour? Friendship. 

Oh, what’s my major? I’m really glad you asked, it’s LET’S CUT THE FUCKING BULLSHIT AND SMOKE SOME CRACK-COCAINE.

“Wow, woke king! This white guy takes to a minority today!”

Yes, 90% of the rush class are freshmen, they will all do pretty much everything without you, and the only other sophomore is a little weird, but that's part of it!

Wax may be a public pariah but this part of her identity remains pubic. 

Flood, shmlood. 

Her children are homeschooled so that they don’t deprive other students a spot at Germantown Friends. Her husband teaches them, because he’s her bitch. She killed her dad to smash the patriarchy. 

Honestly, I'm feeling really optimistic about all this.

Disgusting.

After we literally had sex with each other, Liz excitedly told me about the board’s plans for College Green. 

We are once again asking for your sometimes hilarious applications

It’s time to face the truth. There’s simply nothing as blissful as a Swedish woman dislocating your spine and rearranging your organs.

 I miss the days when I could get a $5 halal before going to class and licking all the tables, chairs, doorknobs, and power outlets.

The renewed controversy comes just days after Congressional Republicans accused Penn of offering Chinese language classes.

First hand, you and your classmates can examine each other’s… members!