There has not been a single night since syllabus week when I haven’t had to stay up to finish a problem set.

By the time I tend to my midterms, improv practice, my work-study job, improv shows, and maintaining my hilarious Twitter brand, I barely have time to eat.

Despite claims that she has “no time” to do the dishes, clean her room, or make plans with friends, she found an entire hour in her schedule to browse through four websites for shoes during class. 

Pearson has stopped attending lectures and instead sits in his Radian apartment, rewinding the comedy specials in the dark, chuckling manically at the dry humor of the bespectacled man he considers to be his Knowledge God. 

Morozov inhales tar deep into her lungs as often as she can.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but it just looks a lot like a C. In early days of February, here are a few signs that you’re already going to fail this course.

Yet almost as quickly as their star rose, it fell. With the loss of Highrise Field, Riddick and Bear’s split seemed almost foretold. 

Victoria Rivers was so inspired when Ted Mosby became the youngest person to ever design a skyscraper in NYC that she declared her major right after the episode aired.

Sorry fraternity pledges, but your startup is about to go under.

According to the company’s website, “each paying participant recruits two further participants, with returns being given to early participants using money contributed by later ones."

"We literally turn on the AC during interviews. Setting fire to these kids’ dreams and confidence can really make me break a sweat."

Many found the theme, announced Wednesday night, of “Moms that bake, Daddy’s that bring home the bacon” to be both a loss for the female gender and also incredibly pre-professional.

His other favorite attractions include “boutique coffee shops” from Powelton Village to Center City to Queen Village.

Reasons participants cited for experiencing trauma included seeing freshman year hookups, roommates, and former friends they’ve avoided eye contact with over the past few years.

Trash pickup is conveniently close, utilities are free, and pets are not only allowed but also included with the lease.

Penn students are known for being pretty lame in the grand scheme of things, so it’s absolutely shocking to see a certified skater boi show his face on campus.

Perhaps the most advanced feature of the new advising system is seamless integration with Pennintouch.

Bryant believes that “all urban studies majors got accepted due to clerical errors.”

Witnesses report that the scarf began slowly inching its way up, enveloping her neck, then face, and soon her entire head. 

That sweet new body-bag you just got for Christmas was tossed into a HeavyDuty trash bag, driven out to the Main Line, and put in a donation bin. Try getting it now!