Does it seem like, maybe, the fact that you couldn’t get off your ass and buy the agreed upon alcohol for the party has harmed someone who has an underlying condition that made her more vulnerable to shitty alcohol?

The party drug, popular amongst queers and avant-garde heterosexuals, will now be supplied on tap at the LGBT Center. Drop by with your reusable vial and fill up!

Just think of all the food that I will be able to enjoy. Margherita pizzas. Premium bento boxes. Whatever they sell at 34th Street Carvery. Your generous donation of dining dollars will make all the difference.

He thought he had nailed the interview, only to receive a short rejection response just .32 seconds after hanging up through Skype. 

Aimee Brooks (W ’23), a freshman who hails from Chelsea, Manhattan and identifies as “old money,” is under the impression that this system is ultimately fair and unbiased.

“Feminism is all about empowering Susan, as well as those that Susan deems worthy of empowerment,” said the head of Penn Pan-Hellenic. "I promise we haven't misunderstood the concept."

Well, well, well, would you look at that: it’s syllabus policy revenge time.

 But the time has come; the time for mankind to discover what lies at the bottom of the peanut butter tub.  

There is nothing as handsome as a man with a cigarette. He might be showing early signs of lung cancer but he’s sure to have a hell of a time abroad. 

“I know how stressful this time of year can be for students. Remember, I was a student myself! I had finals, too! I can relate. I’m a very relatable person,” she insists in the video's description.

In ASTR 001, the stakes are high. No one in the class has ever seen a number before, and suddenly a professor who was involved in a Nobel Prize-winning experiment is trying to convince hundreds of emotionally concussed students that gravity can bend space.

He's actually not done with finals yet. He still has a final paper due on Friday. 

"Maybe I’ll just pay my way into Wharton like everyone else."

“Merge sort is the most satisfying thing I’ve ever seen."

When I look at a stranger’s cover photo, I can tell if they have friends or not. If they’re promoting their club or frat’s latest event, it is clear that they have a social life and that they matter. However, if I see a photo of them with their friends, all I can think is “wow, what a loser.”

Situated at the corner of 40th and Walnut streets, construction on the record-breaking $163 million dorm hall began in December 2018, with the site facing Du Bois College House, Gregory College House, and Rodin College House.

Collectively, this added up to over an hour and 30 minutes of non-affiliated viewing time. Although they were alumni who had been members of PennEMOTE when, in Voshkal's words, "it was actually good," the three audience members still met the criteria of not knowing any performer.

Said all other Penn students, “What the fuck is Grammarly?” 

The Cyber Truck is so sleek and definitely does not look like a race car from a 1990's video game.

Penn is known for being a vibrant and rigorous academic atmosphere, with top tier researchers and the best student self-teachers in the world.