According to a tiny, fine-print line written in the Constitution by our Founding Fathers, it states We MUST Not Edge for Political Gain.

More advanced features from Google rumored for the near future include the ability to upload your ex’s class schedule into the app for Google’s AI to predict where they might be walking — and to direct you away.

 “Long live Xi Jinping Thought!” proclaimed Liz Magill.

Confucius will replace Beth Winkelstein, bioengineering professor and interim provost. Confucius will be the first Chinese, first Confucian, as well as the first non-living individual to serve as Penn provost. 

Go ahead, google what a lien is.

Quaint and comfy, this basement is complete with visible wall insulation, industrial chic lighting, and bare concrete floors.

 I am “your cousin Kevin” now, bitch.  

This is insane. This morning, at the Starbucks on 34th and Walnut, I had an experience that was beyond life-changing.

Please, follow us through our journey to what we like to call The Alps of Eastern Pennsylvania… or… The Poconos.

In an official statement, Magill responded to critics: “To our activists of color, I hear you. I am listening. Next time, I will try and listen a little more closely, though — I think I know what PILOTs are now.”

Here we all are. Together, on Penn‘s campus, in Philly, and, most importantly, wet.

Pour liquid nitrogen onto your feet. Your feet are no longer wet, since they are now solid.

Is getting MERTed... finally cool? 

The new curriculum was made possible due to a generous endowment from the Ponzi Foundation.

They will begin leasing the Radian next year as sophomore on campus housing, and you and I are on this cosmic journey together.

I should have known when he said he had a lot of family in Utah.

55% of the freshman class identifies as BIPOC (Businesspeople, Investors, People of Capital).

It’s just so hard being so bookish all the time.

Ugh, this is not sliving, Becky!

This kid definitely went to Exeter.