OP-ED: What The Fuck Is A Provost?
Provost this, provost that. Someone help us out here.
Opinion
OP-ED: They Should Replace Louie Louie With a Second McDonalds
A monument to the people shall arise where elite culture once dominated.
OP-ED: Van Pelt Bag Checks are Proof We are All Trapped in Foucault's Panopticon
Foucault conceptualized the panopticon as a way for those in power to use technology to control the flow of information in society, a calculated, intricate apparatus embedded in the very logic of social structure and function.
How to Promote the Gay Agenda as Someone who Hates Coffee and Doesn’t have Money
The time to end iced chai is now. Follow these tips so you're never caught drinking a gay, sissy drink again.
Five Middle Aged Men to Dress Up as for Halloween (Bald Cap Required)
Need some last minute costume ideas? I've got you covered.
Ad: Join My Senior Society for Hot Sluts
Our main thing is smoking cigarettes on benches on Locust to help us stay skinny.
OP-ED: Hey, You’re Pretty Hot - Do You Want to Share This Table in United by Blue Together?
I hope there’s a table free - need to have some sense of solitude while I simultaneously work and sip on my thirteen (13) dollar coffee-adjacent drink.
Op-Ed: How Do I Unsubscribe From the Listserv of the Philomathean Society?
In the emails, they kept talking about “admission” into the “society.” As far as I’m concerned, we all already live in a society. I had no idea that you had to go through interview processes to be in society now. A bit ludicrous.
Postmodern Condition: I Keep Showing Up to Class Even Though it’s Fucking Boring
Society has truly robbed us of the simple pleasures in life.
OP-ED: Don't Mind Me, I'm Just Trying to See What You're Writing on iMessage
Yeah… just tilt your screen down a little bit more… sweet Jebediah, that’s the ticket.
I Pay Lyn by Giving Her Bites of my Sandwich, and You Should Too
A wise man once said “If you give a man a fish one day, you give him one fish for that day, but if you teach a man how to be a fish, then he can be your fish for a lifetime”. This is exactly why I pay Lyn for my bacon egg and cheese by giving her one bite of my bacon egg and cheese.
OP-ED: It's Easy to Breathe in a Mask
Freedom is in the air.
OP-ED: They Should Replace Amy Gutmann With a White Guy
The Girlbosses have taken it too far. We need an intervention.
OP-ED: We Need a Moratorium on the Word “Neoliberal” Until I Figure Out What it Means
Maybe through defining that which isn’t neoliberal I can escape this mental prison.
Here’s Why I Endorsed My Pledgemaster for Management on LinkedIn
Needless to say, I was proper pledged and mastered.
PSA: Don't Leave Your Bag Unattended. I'm Rifling Through it Right Now.
I’m just an everyday guy trying to promote theft awareness on campus.
Op-Ed: You Heard So Much About Me? All Good Things I Hope, Haha
Yeah, for sure, let’s get dinner.
Help! I Took Adderall and Now I Am On Adderall
But now I am on the adderall, and the unfortunate thing is that I am, in fact, experiencing the sensation of being on adderall.
I’m On the REES Mailing List Because I Love Deleting Unread Emails
The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done. And there is no new thing under the sun.
