Flood, shmlood. 

Her children are homeschooled so that they don’t deprive other students a spot at Germantown Friends. Her husband teaches them, because he’s her bitch. She killed her dad to smash the patriarchy. 

Honestly, I'm feeling really optimistic about all this.

Disgusting.

After we literally had sex with each other, Liz excitedly told me about the board’s plans for College Green. 

We are once again asking for your sometimes hilarious applications

It’s time to face the truth. There’s simply nothing as blissful as a Swedish woman dislocating your spine and rearranging your organs.

 I miss the days when I could get a $5 halal before going to class and licking all the tables, chairs, doorknobs, and power outlets.

The renewed controversy comes just days after Congressional Republicans accused Penn of offering Chinese language classes.

First hand, you and your classmates can examine each other’s… members!

His landlord gutted the thing and stapled bed sheets to the interior to give it a nice homey vibe.

 “Your English is almost as good as mine!” noted Philadelphia native Lily Gretcher.

“Wait, what dialect do you speak at home?” asked Liu. “Western New England English,” Wang replied.

That annoying guy in your seminar just got more annoying.

What a Mmmm Mmmm yummy meal I had.

Penn has set its sights on the most obvious hurdle impeding a green future – oboe players.

It really is time for break -- time to be free of finals, to be away from your failed situationship, to have a bedroom to yourself, and for the only thing that really matters: quality me-time. 

Witnesses say the suspect was last seen waddling past the library security desk.

Danse, dance, dAAAAAAAANCE!