Is getting MERTed... finally cool? 

The new curriculum was made possible due to a generous endowment from the Ponzi Foundation.

They will begin leasing the Radian next year as sophomore on campus housing, and you and I are on this cosmic journey together.

I should have known when he said he had a lot of family in Utah.

55% of the freshman class identifies as BIPOC (Businesspeople, Investors, People of Capital).

It’s just so hard being so bookish all the time.

Ugh, this is not sliving, Becky!

This kid definitely went to Exeter.

MANIFESTATION IS REAL IF YOU SKIP THIS ARTICLE YOU WILL HAVE BAD KARMA FOREVER!!!! AND A PIANO WILL DROP ON YOUR HEAD AT 11:11PM!!!!!!

Preposterous! Sure, snake-game tile patterns work for the technocratic healthcare managers of the world, but the New Sincere era calls for more garish tile displays. 

Steps 4 and 5 are to get a couple hundred thousand dollars from your father. If the displaced residents follow this simple 5-step plan, they should be Main Line homeowners in no time. 

When shown the Stanford insignia, reminiscent of her former employer, Magill responded, “Somewhere between Elizabeth Holmes and petrichor.”

At the end of the semester, participating students will be required to give presentations to the Penn community on what they learned from their time studying a broad, such as whether or not she is a vibe. 

“Where the fuck am I supposed to drink margs for a pregame now, Copa? Have you fucking had their margaritas?” 

Is this the new face of student athletes? 

 Now that we are all away from home, our Asian parents can no longer express their repressed love for us by bringing us a plate cut fruit after a lengthy and heated argument about affirmative action. 

The ice cream social will take place on October 8th, as a tribute to the townhome residents who will be evicted on that day. Although none of the residents or community organizers are invited to the social, it is expected that President Magill will acknowledge them in her speech by vaguely referring to “Penn’s neighbors in West Philly” who “deserve our respect, but not our money nor our attention.” 

The results are in and the science has spoken: barely legal girls just do it better. 

Don’t deceive yourself — this isn’t “literally the end of the world” or “my life is over” kinda stuff, this is pretty much what you signed up for and what you keep signing yourself up for time and time again.

He has a spelling test tomorrow.