Now, instead of students booking out an entire GSR to cry and fall asleep in, they will each be assigned their own personal study pod. Each room entrance will have a gold placard engraved with the student’s name and their associated fraternity or sorority. 

One of my favorite childhood memories was coming home from school, grabbing some pizza rolls, and escaping into the world of joy-riding and abusing prostitutes on the street.

Scrolling down to the "About" section, I thought that surely Furda, a man who went to our school and has worked there for years, would at the least give Amy Gutmann a shoutout, but no. 

"I thought it would be a nice way for my successor to remember me and to cement my legacy in one of the most permanent ways possible."

Furthermore, UTB has deduced the real reason for his sudden departure: with recent budget cuts, the University can no longer afford the salary of its hot, sexy, well-proportioned admissions cover boy. 

 “Yeah, I know there are a lot of Jewish people that are uncomfortable with the statue. But they just have to deal with it. My inability to read a book far outweighs the fact 6 million of their people were killed.” 

They're holding their guns. I guess that's the Texan way. Oop, the slurs are coming, I hear them now, but I feel like this time the slurs are coming from a point of acceptance.

"In those online 'cut your own hair' tutorials, they never tell you how drunk you're supposed to be. Turns out, maybe not as drunk as I was haha!" Norstalick laughed, nervously. Her family reported that she was completely sober when she buzzed her hair. 

Unfortunately, I have yet to meet my lovely Jessica in person. We’ve actually never even spoken. Pretty hot right?

At its core, Ur Local Conservatory and Botanical Gardens’ mission is to improve quality of life and connect with the community — elderly women, garden geeks, and the occasional school field trip. As part of that mission, we are supporting the resolution declaring racism a public health crisis.

Jessica had not posted a single thing about the Black Lives Matter movement before #blackouttuesday, but she was sure to use the #blacklivesmatter hashtag to drown out any useful information being shared on social media.

Morris may owe most of his freedoms he enjoys as a gay man today to queer people of color like Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera, but today he is a proud member of the system the brave LGBT people at Stonewall were rioting against.

Little did she know, but her post was exactly what the world needed. Within a minute of posting, racial tensions diminished, equality was reached, and people all over the world began to sing a song that had never been sung.

One Black Lives Matter protestor, Nathan Jones CAS '21, questioned the legitimacy of such accusations. "Assuming that Black Lives Matter broke those elevators would be assuming that any human being would actually go into those elevators voluntarily. I know those elevators, and I'm telling you, it's a lie." 

Everyone knows the best way to deal with someone protesting police brutality is to commit police brutality. 

 “I think the uniform changes are great,” said officer Dereck Shovin. “The previous tight pants really inhibited my movement. When I was kneeling on an innocent black guy’s neck, the tight pants pinched my already small balls and it hurt a lot.” 

 “I’ve just been too busy with everything,” said Rosewater. “The other day, I had to finish a Netflix series, another day I had to play 40 games of League of Legends, and just yesterday I had to take a 5 hour nap in the middle of the day.” 

Sophomore Sophie Pearson would usually be hitting the beach to work on her tan, enabling her to flex on her friends come fall, but this summer she's got a small modification to her usual plan in mind.

With his usual summer activities on hold, Josh continues to spend much of his time sitting on the floor of his childhood bedroom with his laptop in his lap and a slight sadness on his face.