Editorial: I Love You. I'm Glad I Exist. Yes, I Will Go to Your Show.
Everything will have been nothing when it is all over. You must do to be. Yes, I will go to Penn Chinese Theatre's fall show.
Opinion
What I’m Going to Do for Epilepsy Awareness Month
Epilepsy is no joke
Editorial: I Love You. I'm Glad I Exist. Yes, I Will Go to Your Show.
Everything will have been nothing when it is all over. You must do to be. Yes, I will go to Penn Chinese Theatre's fall show.
OP-ED: I Ain’t Got Much, but I'll Always Have My Dunkin’ Boosted Status
Proudly, I #runondunkin
What I’m Going to Do for Epilepsy Awareness Month
Epilepsy is no joke
Report: All of Human History to Be Measured by Having Text From Situationship vs. Not Having Text From Situationship
Why is it that when you kiss him you can forget your name?
My Affordable Care Act: I’m Offering $2 Good Morning Texts
The States are most United in their shared touch starved-ness: the source of all health woes.
OP-ED: The Itty Bitty Keypad At Harnwell Seems Rather Bourgeois
Perhaps whatever plastic surgery the keypad of this turnstile got is what fixed all of its problems, and maybe that can be a metaphor for me as well – who will be the plastic surgeon to my heart?
OP-ED: My Name Tent Doesn’t Define Me, My Pensive Sighing Does
The horror, goddam the horror.
REPORT: Is That a First Date or Is My Crush Just Coffee Chatting That Double D European Chick?
Is he trying to get a referral to work in asset management, or is he trying to manage her assets?
OP-ED: I Just Saw You Piss On Ben Franklin And You Definitely Need To Hydrate
Come on bro. No way you can tell me you’re proud of that stream.
Depressed Today? You Forgot To Eat a Little Something Something
What you never hear these medicated girls say is, “It’s time to eat a little Something Something!”
I Lived It: Towne 8/10 Discovers They’re a Huntsman 4/10
I showered today. I’m wearing clothes that have been washed within the past five business days. Where is my praise?
OP-ED: It’s Not Your Professor’s Fault That Your Academic Drive is Decaying like The Carrion of a Murdered Prey
You can’t blame their blabbering and the rainy weather forever
Thought Of The Day: I Want Liz Magill's Perfume
If someone reads this and knows what she uses please reach out & let me know ASAP.
Fun Party Game: Guess Where I’m From but Every Time I Make Up a Fictional South Asian Country
You begin to feel how one usually feels after a few drinks: socially and morally conscious about your racial identity.
Recently Reunited Long Distance Couples Confirm That My Dorm Is Definitely the Best Place to Study on Campus
Why are they sharing the lingering flavors of last night’s Commons meal on the bench right outside my window?
My Professor Is Mad! I Didn’t Do the Reading Because I Was Busy Finding the Truth
Even if we understand what someone is saying, that doesn’t actually mean that we understand it.
Have You Ever Kissed a Guy in Stouffer-Mayer? And Other Pickup Lines for People of Generally Low Social Standing
For one reason or another, you find yourself at the bottom of Penn’s social hierarchy. That’s ok. Maybe you’re ugly or from a weird state. Nothing you can really change.
7 Tips to Rush in the Eyes of Jesus
Sinning runs rampant; intoxication, fornication, and spiritual deprivation all accompany “Meeting the Bros” or “dirty rushing.” However, there is a way to do away with this filth and rush properly – rush how Jesus would.
I Know She Saw It: Coco Gauff Posted on Her Instagram Story But Didn’t Respond to My DM
Unbeknownst to me, that little bitch (read: fantastically successful and impressive athlete) just doesn't give a fuck about the beautiful things I have to say to her.
