All this time I told myself that I go to the gym as a habit of health — but I was wrong, Ma. I have been deceitful to you, but how could you understand why? Because the thing about beauty is that it’s only beautiful outside of itself.

Also, Amelia called you fat at APES late night

Local man does not keep his word. More at 5.

Yesterday, Twitter CEO Elon Musk (W CAS ’97) voiced his support for former President Trump’s (W ’68) tirade against the current scandal engulfing President Joe Biden.

That's weird: I inserted my “discount code” and the price went up by $5.

Zete knew this day was coming.

The news comes amidst reports of immigration raids at Columbia University, where students are allegedly being detained for involvement in pro-Palestinian protests, speaking Arabic in public, or otherwise looking vaguely ethnic.

I feel like I've known him forever, but at the same time, what does his forehead look like?

Penn Dining has you covered with some nourishing, morale-boosting meals to help you process your failure. Bon appétit!

Located in Portland, Jones’ store also supports new authors. The premier sapphic novel for this month’s book club recommendation is In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado.

Sun Tzu said it best “Know thy Enemy”, so, if we are to truly put an end to this stroke of madness, we must understand a man who now goes by the Van Pelt Masturbator. 

Rumors the girls were having a “coke” night had spread throughout the PC a few nights before; however, no one thought it could refer to something so sinister – even cocaine has zero calories.

Let the Punishment Fit the Crime. 

2gether 4ever muahmuah

COOPER DEJEAN. PICK SIX. TOUCHDOWN. Your erect penis has ripped a hole straight through the front of your jeans.

 ALERT! You're not being elusive!! He thinks you're really weird!!

The student was shocked but remained calm, knowing the roach was dangerous and not to be provoked.

When reached for comment, a representative of The DP replied “申し訳ありませんが、英語は話せません。”

After a surprising number of rush chairs and presidents took PHIL 1000, they realized that hazing is — at best — morally questionable and perhaps wrong.

Welcome to Rodin College House, where ambition meets concrete.