Opinion: I Think We Can Safely Say Global Warming is a Hoax
The climate is stable and they are not talking about it.
Opinion
OP-ED: Penn Is Not On Indian Land
I can't be the only one confused right? India is on a completely different continent. These so-called "land acknowledgements" aren't even acknowledging the right thing.
Opinion: I Think We Can Safely Say Global Warming is a Hoax
The climate is stable and they are not talking about it.
Op-Ed: Old White Women With Pixie Cuts Are Evil
In this exposé, I shall present to readers photo exhibits and real-life images of what I mean when I say old white women with pixie cuts are evil evil creatures, brought upon the earth to poison us with their thoughts and actions.
OP-ED: Penn Is Not On Indian Land
I can't be the only one confused right? India is on a completely different continent. These so-called "land acknowledgements" aren't even acknowledging the right thing.
Reviewing the Feng Shui of Penn’s Bathrooms
The following lavatories have been evaluated on the basis of their energy, intention, and design, because this kind of stuff matters.
I’m Feeling Sick, and I Will Tell You About It
But if you do see me out, no, I'm not contagious. In fact, please do come near me!
Op-Ed: THIS IS A SUPER SECRET AND YOU CAN’T TELL ANYONE!
I'm only telling you this because you're like my third best friend here.
Women Are Repulsed By Me: Here Are the Best Lunch Spots in West Philly
As someone who hasn’t had a girlfriend in 19 years, these are some of my favorites.
OP-ED: Don’t Worry Seniors, You Still Have One Year to Make the Lifelong Friends You Haven’t Made Yet
Hope is not lost for you yet, washed-up seniors. You still have a chance. Two semesters, two chances to succeed. Maybe it’s not too late to get tapped for a senior society. That’ll fix everything.
OP-ED: I am the GBF to These Hot Girls in a Top Sorority Right Here, and You Will Treat Me as Such
These two bodacious blonde bombshells and this bitchy gay boy? We're a package deal. Now let us into your All-White Party!
ABG This. ABB That. What Happened to Asian Baby Studybots?
What happened to: “Damn, that tiny Asian kid is a piano PRODIGY!”
OP-ED: We Got Rejected From an LGBTQ+ Club, Now We’re Converting to Being a Straight Couple
Even now, sitting across from each other at boozy brunch, we are searching our minds for an answer to how we ever thought of ourselves as queer.
Op-Ed: You Smell Like a Huntsman GSR
What is that peculiar scent?
Quitting Nicotine Is So Easy! I’ve Already Done It Like 6 Times
Vaping is bad for you.
Happy Homecoming!! My Red, White, and Blue Sweater from The Real Real is No Match for Yours
In girl world, Homecoming (and also the Fourth of July) is the one day a year when girls can wear red, white and blue and no other girls can say anything about it.
Op-Ed: Please Stay Out of My Line of Sight When Waiting for the Hip Thrust Machine
The bad part about someone watching you do hip thrusts is that you’re doing hip thrusts while someone is watching you.
I Lived It: Eating at a Different Halal Cart Is Basically Adultery
I don't know how I can go on right now.
Under the Button Officially Endorses Whichever Candidate You Were Planning on Voting For
Our endorsement comes at a critical time for democracy. We need to choose progress over stagnation; people over profits; stability over chaos; profits over people; we need to choose [INAUDIBLE MUTTERING] to be the next President of the United States.
Reducing Foot Traffic One Step at a Time: I’m Suplexing Everyone Who Stops Walking in Front of Me on Locust
Finally I can put several years of elementary school martial arts classes to good use.
