OP-ED: I’m Old, Here’s My Advice
You want some advice from an old guy like me?
Opinion
Op-Ed: Why I Won't Be Rolling This Magic Gardens
Truth is, I felt so odd rolling. Even greater truth is that rolling is the worst style of dancing, and meth is funner anyway.
OP-ED: I’m Old, Here’s My Advice
You want some advice from an old guy like me?
Everybody Else Thinks Your Class is Easy
(they all told me).
Op-Ed: Why I Won't Be Rolling This Magic Gardens
Truth is, I felt so odd rolling. Even greater truth is that rolling is the worst style of dancing, and meth is funner anyway.
Harsh & Alex Review: Of Mice and Men
Listen as Harsh and Alex struggle to understand the deeper meanings of this novella about a group of prepubescent British boys who are stranded on an uninhabited island.
Breaking My Silence: All You Bitches Suck
I’m finally saying it: all you bitches suck. Respectfully. After years of observation. In a way that changes nothing.
I Went to Cabo for Spring Break and All I Got Was This Stupid Little Cartel Affiliation
The break was so restful and amazing. At present, I can only wear red and green and there are some parts of Philly, that I should not have gone to before, and I simply cannot go to now!
Opinion: I Think We Can Safely Say Global Warming is a Hoax
The climate is stable and they are not talking about it.
Op-Ed: Old White Women With Pixie Cuts Are Evil
In this exposé, I shall present to readers photo exhibits and real-life images of what I mean when I say old white women with pixie cuts are evil evil creatures, brought upon the earth to poison us with their thoughts and actions.
OP-ED: Penn Is Not On Indian Land
I can't be the only one confused right? India is on a completely different continent. These so-called "land acknowledgements" aren't even acknowledging the right thing.
Reviewing the Feng Shui of Penn’s Bathrooms
The following lavatories have been evaluated on the basis of their energy, intention, and design, because this kind of stuff matters.
I’m Feeling Sick, and I Will Tell You About It
But if you do see me out, no, I'm not contagious. In fact, please do come near me!
Op-Ed: THIS IS A SUPER SECRET AND YOU CAN’T TELL ANYONE!
I'm only telling you this because you're like my third best friend here.
Women Are Repulsed By Me: Here Are the Best Lunch Spots in West Philly
As someone who hasn’t had a girlfriend in 19 years, these are some of my favorites.
OP-ED: Don’t Worry Seniors, You Still Have One Year to Make the Lifelong Friends You Haven’t Made Yet
Hope is not lost for you yet, washed-up seniors. You still have a chance. Two semesters, two chances to succeed. Maybe it’s not too late to get tapped for a senior society. That’ll fix everything.
OP-ED: I am the GBF to These Hot Girls in a Top Sorority Right Here, and You Will Treat Me as Such
These two bodacious blonde bombshells and this bitchy gay boy? We're a package deal. Now let us into your All-White Party!
ABG This. ABB That. What Happened to Asian Baby Studybots?
What happened to: “Damn, that tiny Asian kid is a piano PRODIGY!”
OP-ED: We Got Rejected From an LGBTQ+ Club, Now We’re Converting to Being a Straight Couple
Even now, sitting across from each other at boozy brunch, we are searching our minds for an answer to how we ever thought of ourselves as queer.
Op-Ed: You Smell Like a Huntsman GSR
What is that peculiar scent?
