Um, excuse me. Can I help you? What are you doing?

Look: We are all watching our weight, and some men can’t afford to eat very much of this pussy.

I know that this may be kind of inconvenient for some of you, but I promise I'll circle back with you on Monday. Let's put a pin in whatever we're working on until I get back. Just don't email me, please.

Wawa water is not just for drinking.

Our first date was going so well, so I thought why not take it to the next level and go to a food truck.

Thanks especially to the brothers of Gamma Rho Kappa Kappa Upsilon Phi Beta Beta Beta for putting on this shindig—it’s been a blast.

I really couldn’t imagine myself being any happier here at Penn. I’m so lucky to be in a place that not only allows me to excel academically, but also elevate and find more new interests and passions than my peers!

Hey, friend. I see you’ve finished the problem set due tomorrow.

College is a time full of endless possibilities. It’s very understandable if you’re feeling a little overwhelmed with all of the choices your child must navigate. 

Here at Penn we live in more of a petri dish than a melting pot, and so as you slowly fall apart this October and November, check out these 5 supplemental vitamins whose sole function is to keep you operating at a basic human level. 

If you write very lightly, you’ll be able to smoothly erase your entire exam with just this little thing in under 15 minutes.

Looking for the hit of dopamine that comes with the strikethrough of a daunting assignment without doing any additional work? 

When I applied to Penn, I made sure to put the Quad as my top housing priority.

Wow, big flex much?

The weekend is in full swing.

The UN says climate genocide is upon us—who here is tryna fuck?

If the post is popular, there’s a good shot my dad will text me about it. He might even say something encouraging like “Nice job!” or “Cool.” 

Listen, don’t take it personally, but I met your parents this weekend, and now it’s extremely clear to me why and how you suck so much. It’s as if I saw the embodiment of anything and everything that’s wrong with you, except heightened.

His dorm manners are definitely not husband material, but here’s how to see a future with him even though his clothes have probably been sitting in the washer overnight. 

Family weekend is a time wherein students can share their noble yet humbling Penn experience with their closest of relatives. Lucky for you, those relatives went back to their hotels at 7:30… or so you thought.