Even if your parents don’t come, it’s still an exciting time — you already know that your roommate is rich, now it's time to see if they also have a hot dad.

Adam was enduring his sixth hour at Penn and ninth hour of “family time” that day.

Bregoli recently had a moving speaking engagement at Oxford University, which is a big deal if you pronounce your r’s weirdly and can’t cook.

He did corporate finance, I wrote about instability in the middle east... we are the posterboys for diversity at Penn. <3

The closest I will ever come to that 10-dollar lox sandwich 

The magazine, known for printing students' grainy low lit nudes and try hard poetry, is venturing into pranks as performance art.

It just needs a zap of electricity to make some basic monomers.

I wish you could see me now, Moelis Family.

They'll try their hardest for a quirky play but settle for generic titles and promotions likeeee??

Home is where John is. 

And look at that — you made a new friend, scaled Penn’s social ladder, and are now one degree of separation from the heir to the Funyuns fortune. Not bad, right?

Erm… as if there’s a “regular” type of period to have.

She calls me gringo and I call her Mi Amor.

It was a simpler time; I still considered myself pre-med, ate McClelland eight times a week, and protested Castle.

Ponytailed or French braided? On foot or scooter? There is a myriad of sports she could play.

How did this man have access to all this information? The answer may shock you.

I return to my friends and relay a successful tale of rizz. They are impressed. I have done it again, they say.

I return having smoked a cigarette and eaten a Quest Bar. Dear Sir, your writing was great!

If this is the price we must pay, I say let the daylight go unsaved.

They can correctly answer how long Oz lived in New Jersey, but have zero clue what the chain rule is.